The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
At one time, Virginia was the pet, and got several sugar-plums from
royal bounty. Then Connecticut came in for some caressing. The younger
Winthrop presented to Charles II., in 1662, a petition for a new toy,—a
charter. He would have been refused, but that he slipped in, at the same
time, a ring given to his own grandfather by the father of Charles,
which so pleased the dress-loving king, that he gave to Connecticut one
of the best charter hobby-horses ever seen at that time in America.
This, it may be remarked, is the earliest example in our history of what
“a ring” can effect.
We cannot record in detail the successive struggles of the Colonies to
free themselves from political and commercial restrictive rules,—for
rights of representation in assemblies of their own, for the privilege
of taxing themselves, and spending their own assessments, and for the
many solid and large freedoms which we now enjoy without question or
fear. The story of the way in which the cellar was dug, through
obstructions of root and stone, the walls sunk, the beams of the lower
floor, hewn out amid discouragements and opposition, laid and primed,
ought not to be otherwise than pleasant, even when rehearsed to those
who have long and securely revelled in all the comforts and luxuries of
the completed building; in its hot and cold water baths of free
discussion; the numerous call-pipes through the wall, for public
servants; the cedar closets for the best clothes of liberty; the iron
safe for the family silver or greenbacks; the gas-pipes of illuminating
knowledge; and the varied upholstery to soothe labor-aching limbs, or to
gratify luxurious and even extravagant tastes. But space, like nobility,
obliges; and although, like those experts who write the Lord’s Prayer on
a sixpence, we can condense Genesis on the smallest historic disk, we
cannot crowd all creation on the rim of the same piece. Speaking in a
general way, however, we may affirm that for forty years preceding the
accession of James II. in 1685, the Colonies, on the whole, steadily
gained from jealous political privilege and chartered monopoly some of
the rights enjoyed at home. As these rights fell, one after another,
upon colonial soil, they were carefully secured by strong hands.
Sometimes they were jarred suddenly from the parent tree by the iron
hand of war. Sometimes they fell carelessly, like great, golden pippins,
over the royal enclosure into the king’s highway, ripe and well
flavored. Sometimes they matured naturally under the very eyes of those
keepers of the royal Transatlantic preserves,—the colonial
governors,—and when mellow, were seized and hurried out of reach until
it was safe to give them to the hungry people.
Thus, in various ways, by different hands and from different parts of
the colonial orchard, the precious fruit was gathered for present or
future use.
In some of the plantations the proprietors, those
“Gentlemen of England, who sat at home in ease,”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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