The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
expecting their stone ships to come in, filled with promised colonial
stuff for presents to their children, became tired of waiting, and sold
out their large airy bills of lading for very small earthly crowns
sterling. In other Colonies the heirs of the original grantees, after
spending all their ready means in lawsuits with the hard-working
settlers, _videlicet_, “squatters,” guilty in complainants’ eyes, not
only of “disturbing the peace of our lord the King,” but of attempting
to appropriate unlawfully a piece of his colonial kingdom, compromised,
as other parties have before done, for sums barely sufficient to cover
the costs of litigation. In a few instances, suitors to the affections
of the coy colonial heiresses, thinking by courtly ways to acquire their
landed possessions and the common-law right to govern their persons,
were dismissed with good-natured assurances that they should continue to
look upon them as friends, but declined any more intimate relationships.
In a few other cases still—like those of William Penn, Roger Williams,
and Cecil Calvert—the tenants were freely and generously left to manage
their civil and political affairs, without suit, let, or hindrance,
while individual conscience was erected into a high court of equity,
with supreme jurisdiction in things spiritual.
Representative government took at first different forms. In some of the
settlements legislative grists were put into a mortar and pounded out
into a simple, healthy, easily digested, coarse meal. Maryland and
Massachusetts set up more luxurious mills, provided with double runs of
stone,—an upper and lower one, which was supposed to grind out a finer
kind of legislative flour. The brand, we need scarcely add, is now the
popular American one, and is being, in limited amounts, exported for
foreign use.
In some of these establishments “bolts” were now and then introduced, by
some bran-new representative miller, and expectations were immediately
held out to the anxious customers of better flour, and of a whiter
color,—expectations, we regret to add, that rarely came to anything
except increased fatness to the miller’s live stock, always grunting and
grubbing around the mill doors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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