The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
None of our illuminated readers will fall down into that exalted, but
still very common mistake, of supposing that the great mass of the men,
women, and children, living here in the latter half of that seventeenth
century, were all the while, or indeed to any great extent, occupied by,
interested in, or even measurably affected by, these large public
events. The old man who thought it strange that all the millions of
people in the Roman Empire, who he naturally supposed, from his reading
of history, were present at the killing of Cæsar, did not rise against
Brutus, Cassius, and the rest and prevent it, is now dead, but he has
left successors to his historical notions. Most people are just as apt
to think that everybody at Jerusalem knew King David as certainly as the
Skibbareen Irishman that every American whom he meets in Ireland must be
acquainted with his cousin whose going off from Skibbareen was so well
understood there. Louis Napoleon, in his Life of Cæsar, may magnify the
importance and influence over his times of his self-reflecting hero; but
we all know that, in fact, as soon as the large imperial microscope is
taken off from the single spot, Cæsar goes back again into a speck on
the broad Roman sheet. To the ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and
ninety-nine Romans in one hundred thousand, it was practically of less
consequence whether Cæsar, Antony, or Julius Scipio Smith ruled Rome,
than whether the season was wet or dry, or whether their wives and
children kept well and healthy. To the few around the court, to the
mammas with eligible daughters just in the city of Rome, to a few
vestimentary Jenkins who retailed to the dozen families of their set the
latest scandals on the Palatine, it was a matter of some moment; to the
farmers, mechanics, working-people paving the wide empire with their
labor and patient, endless industries, of comparatively little
consequence whatever. Doubtless great numbers of these hard-working
Romans, in those unfortunate towns where there were no presses or
telegraphs, lived forty, fifty, or sixty years after “great Cæsar had
turned to clay,” without suspecting that he was not decorated china
still at Rome; without dreaming that, while they themselves had been
raising pulse and sour wine for their own little house sovereigns in
Gaul or Germania, Augustus had succeeded to Cæsar’s power at the
capitol, and had set those scribblers, Virgil, Livy, and Horace, to
writing, and had made much history for Bohemians since. Little did they
know that Tiberius had meanwhile succeeded Augustus and crucified more
men at that Roman New York than he had hairs on his hard pate, and so
kept on the imperial pastime with a keen appetite, until he was served
with the same sauce that he had dished out so freely; nor had they ever
heard tell that during the same interval, so uneventful for them in
their far-off silent occupations, Caligula had crawled up to the place
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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