None, none! our birthright or our fate, Is hunger and inclement air-- Perpetual toil--the rich man’s hate-- Want, scorn--the pauper’s fare: We fain would gaze upon the sky, Lie pensive by the running springs; But if we stay to gaze or sigh, We starve--though the cuckoo sings! The moon casts cold on us below; The sun is not our own; The very winds which fragrance blow, But blanch us to the bone; The rose for us ne’er shows its bloom, The violet its blue eye; From cradle murmuring to the tomb, We feel no beauty, no perfume, But only toil--and die! PAUPER. A TALE OF TEMPER. Of all cross breeds of human sinners, The crabbedest are those who dress our dinners; Whether the ardent fires at which they roast And broil and bake themselves like Smithfield martyrs, Are apt to make them crusty, like a toast, Or drams, encouraged by so hot a post; However, cooks are generally Tartars; And altogether might be safely cluster’d In scientific catalogues Under two names, like Dinmont’s dogs, Pepper and Mustard. The case thus being very common, It followed, quite of course, when Mr. Jervis Engaged a clever culinary woman, He took a mere Xantippe in his service-- In fact--her metal not to burnish, As vile a shrew as Shrewsbury could furnish-- One who in temper, language, manners, looks, In every respect Might just have come direct From him, who is supposed to send us cooks. The very day she came into her place She slapp’d the scullion’s face; The next, the housemaid being rather pert, Snatching the broom, she “treated her like dirt”-- The third, a quarrel with the groom she hit on-- Cyrus, the page, had half-a-dozen knocks; And John, the coachman, got a box He couldn’t sit on. Meanwhile, her strength to rally, Brandy, and rum, and shrub she drank by stealth, Besides the Cream of some mysterious Valley That may, or may not, be the Vale of Health: At least while credit lasted, or her wealth-- For finding that her blows came only thicker, Invectives and foul names but flew the quicker, The more she drank, the more inclined to bicker, The other servants one and all, Took Bible oaths whatever might befal, Neither to lend her cash, nor fetch her liquor!