DON AL. Good evening. Fancy ball? GIU. No, not exactly. A little friendly dance. That's all. Sorry you're late. DON AL. But I saw a groom dancing, and a footman! MAR. Yes. That's the Lord High Footman. DON AL. And, dear me, a common little drummer boy! GIU. Oh no! That's the Lord High Drummer Boy. DON AL. But surely, surely the servants'-hall is the place for these gentry? GIU. Oh dear no! We have appropriated the servants'-hall. It's the Royal Apartment, and accessible only by tickets obtainable at the Lord Chamberlain's office. MAR. We really must have some place that we can call our own. DON AL. (puzzled). I'm afraid I'm not quite equal to the intellectual pressure of the conversation. GIU. You see, the Monarchy has been re-modelled on Republican principles. DON AL. What! GIU. All departments rank equally, and everybody is at the head of his department. DON AL. I see. MAR. I'm afraid you're annoyed. DON AL. No. I won't say that. It's not quite what I expected. GIU. I'm awfully sorry. MAR. So am I. GIU. By the by, can I offer you anything after your voyage? A plate of macaroni and a rusk? DON AL. (preoccupied). No, no—nothing—nothing. GIU. Obliged to be careful? DON AL. Yes—gout. You see, in every Court there are distinctions that must be observed. GIU. (puzzled). There are, are there? DON AL. Why, of course. For instance, you wouldn't have a Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook. MAR. Why not? DON AL. Why not! Because a Lord High Chancellor is a personage of great dignity, who should never, under any circumstances, place himself in the position of being told to tuck in his tuppenny, except by noblemen of his own rank. A Lord High Archbishop, for instance, might tell a Lord High Chancellor to tuck in his tuppenny, but certainly not a cook, gentlemen, certainly not a cook. GIU. Not even a Lord High Cook? DON AL. My good friend, that is a rank that is not recognized at the Lord Chamberlain's office. No, no, it won't do. I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried. SONG—DON ALHAMBRA, with MARCO and GIUSEPPE. DON AL. There lived a King, as I've been told, In the wonder-working days of old, When hearts were twice as good as gold, And twenty times as mellow. Good-temper triumphed in his face, And in his heart he found a place For all the erring human race And every wretched fellow. When he had Rhenish wine to drink It made him very sad to think That some, at junket or at jink, Must be content with toddy. MAR. and GIU. With toddy, must be content with toddy.