The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)Ward, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
Bannock on the brain! That is what is the matter now. Wagon-load after
wagon-load of emigrants, bound to the new Idaho gold regions, meet us
every hour. Canvas-covered and drawn for the most part by fine large
mules, they make a pleasant panorama, as they stretch slowly over
the plains and uplands. We strike the South Platte Sunday, 21st, and
breakfast at Latham, a station of one-horse proportions. We are now in
Colorado ("Pike's Peak"), and we diverge from the main route here and
visit the flourishing and beautiful city of Denver, where I lecture.
We go to the mountains from Denver, visiting the celebrated gold-mining
towns of Black Hawk and Central ity. I leave this queen of all the
territories, quite firmly believing that its future is to be no less
brilliant than its past has been.
Back to Latham again over a marshy road, and on to Nebraska by the main
stage-line.
We reach Julesberg, Colorado, the 1st of March. We are in the country
of the Sioux Indians now, and encounter them by the hundred. A Chief
offers to sell me his daughter (a fair young Indian maiden) for six
dollars and two quarts of whisky. I decline to trade.
Kansas, 105 miles from Atchison. Atchison! No traveller by sea ever
longed to set his foot on shore as we longed to reach the end of our
dreary coach-ride over the wildest part of the whole continent. How
we talked Atchison, and dreamed Atchison, for the next fifty hours!
Atchison, I shall always love you. You were evidently mistaken,
Atchison, when you told me that in case I "lectured" there, immense
crowds would throng to the hall; but you are very dear to me. Let me
kiss you for your maternal parent!
We are passing through the reservation of the Otoe Indians, who long ago
washed the war-paint from their faces, buried the tomahawk, and settled
down into quiet, prosperous farmers. _______________ We rattle leisurely
into Atchison on a Sunday evening. Lights gleam in the windows of
milk-white churches, and they tell us, far better than anything else
could, that we are back to civilization again.
_______________
XIV.
VERY MUCH MARRIED.
Are the Mormon women happy?
I give it up. I don't know.
Igive it up. I don't know. Apparently, the Mormon women are happy. I
saw them at their best, of course--at balls, tea-parties and the like.
They were like other women as far as my observation extended. They were
hooped, and furbelowed, and shod, and white-collard, and bejewelled; and
like women all over the world, they were softer-eyed and kinder-hearted
than men can ever hope to be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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