I will here obsarve that fitin orter be allus avided, excep in extreem cases.  My principle is, if a man smites me on the right cheek I'll turn my left to him, prob'ly; but if he insinooates that my gran'mother wasn't all right, I'll punch his hed.  But fitin is mis'ble bisniss, gen'rally speakin, and whenever any enterprisin countryman of mine cums over here to scoop up a Briton in the prize ring I'm allus excessively tickled when he gets scooped hisself, which it is a sad fack has thus far been the case--my only sorrer bein' that t'other feller wasn't scooped likewise.  It's diff'rently with scullin boats, which is a manly sport, and I can only explain Mr. Hamil's resunt defeat in this country on the grounds that he wasn't used to British water.  I hope this explanation will be entirely satisfact'ry to all. As I remarked afore, I'm gettin' on well.  I'm aware that I'm in the great metrop'lis of the world, and it doesn't make me onhappy to admit the fack.  A man is a ass who dispoots it.  That's all that ails him.  I know there is sum peple who cum over here and snap and snarl 'bout this and that: I know one man who says it is a shame and a disgrace that St. Paul's Church isn't a older edifiss; he says it should be years and even ages older than it is; but I decline to hold myself responsible for the conduck of this idyit simply because he's my countryman.  I spose every civ'lised land is endowed with its full share of gibberin' idyits, and it can't be helpt--leastways I can't think of any effectooal plan of helpin' it. I'm a little sorry you've got politics over here, but I shall not diskuss 'em with nobody.  Tear me to pieces with wild omnibus hosses, and I won't diskuss 'em.  I've had quite enuff of 'em at home, thank you.  I was at Birmingham t'other night, and went to the great meetin' for a few minits.  I hadn't been in the hall long when a stern-lookin' artisan said to me: "You ar from Wales!" No, I told him I didn't think I was.  A hidgyis tho't flasht over me.  It was of that onprincipled taler, and I said, "Has my clothin' a Welchy appearance?" "Not by no means," he answered, and then he said, "And what is your opinyin of the present crisis?" I said, "I don't zackly know.  Have you got it very bad?" He replied, "Sir, it is sweepin' England like the Cymoon of the Desert!" "Wall," I said, "let it sweep!" He ceased me by the arm and said, "Let us glance at hist'ry.  It is now some two thousand years--" "Is it, indeed?" I replied. "Listin!" he fiercely cried; "it is only a little over two thousand years since--" "Oh, bother!" I remarkt, "let us go out and git some beer." "No, Sir.  I want no gross and sensual beer.  I'll not move from this spot till I can vote.  Who ar you?" I handed him my card, which in addition to my name, contains a elabrit description of my show.  "Now, Sir," I proudly said, "you know me?" "I sollumly swear," he sternly replied, "that I never heard of you, or your show, in my life!"