The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)Ward, Artemus
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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
"Oh--soon thou wilt be gonested away!"
I told them that when I got ready to leave a place I wentested.
They said--"Doth not like us?"
I said--"I doth--I doth!"
I also said--"I hope your intentions are honorable--as I am a lone
child--my parents being far--far away."
They then said--"Wilt not marry us?"
I said--"Oh--no--it cannot was."
Again they asked me to marry them--and again I declined. When they
cried--
"Oh--cruel man! This is too much--oh! too much!"
I told them that it was on account of the muchness that I declined.
This is the Mormon Temple.
It is built of adobe--and will hold five thousand persons quite
comfortably. A full brass and string band often assists the choir of
this church--and the choir--I may add--is a remarkably good one.
Brigham Young seldom preaches now. The younger elders--unless on some
special occasion--conduct the services. I only heard Mr. Young once.
He is not an educated man--but speaks with considerable force and
clearness. The day I was there there was nothing coarse in his remarks.
The foundations of the Temple.
These are the foundations of the magnificent Temple the Mormons are
building. It is to be built of hewn stone--and will cover several acres
of ground. They say it shall eclipse in splendor all other temples in
the world. They also say it shall be paved with solid gold.
It is perhaps worthy of remark that the architect of this contemplated
gorgeous affair repudiated Mormonism--and is now living in London.
The Temple as it is to be.
Should the Mormons continue unmolested--I think they will complete this
rather remarkable edifice.
Great Salt Lake.--The great salt dead sea of the desert.
I know of no greater curiosity than this inland sea of thick brine.
It is eighty miles wide--and one hundred and thirty miles long. Solid
masses of salt are daily washed ashore in immense heaps--and the Mormon
in want of salt has only to go to the shore of this lake and fill his
cart. Only--the salt for table use has to be subjected to a boiling
process.
These are facts--susceptible of the clearest possible proof. They tell
one story about this lake--however--that I have my doubts about. They
say a Mormon farmer drove forty head of cattle in there once--and they
came out first-rate pickled beef.--
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I sincerely hope you will excuse my absence--I am a man short--and have
to work the moon myself*.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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