Thursdy.--Didn't rest well last night on account of a uprore made by the capting, who stopt the Bote to go ashore and smash in the windows of a grosery.  He was brought back in about a hour, with his hed dun up in a red handkercher, his eyes bein swelled up orful, and his nose very much out of jint.  He was bro't aboard on a shutter by his crue, and deposited on the cabin floor, the passenjers all risin up in their births pushing the red curtains aside & lookin out to see what the matter was.  "Why do you allow your pashuns to run away with you in this onseemly stile, my misgided frend?" said a sollum lookin man in a red flannel nite-cap.  "Why do you sink yourself to the Beasts of the field?" "Wall, the fack is," said the capting, risin hisself on the shutter, "I've bin a little prejoodiced agin that grosery for some time.  But I made it lively for the boys, deacon!  Bet yer life!"  He larfed a short, wild larf, and called for his jug.  Sippin a few pints, he smiled gently upon the passengers, sed, "Bless you! Bless you!" and fell into a sweet sleep. Eventually we reached our jerny's end.  This was in the days of Old Long Sign, be4 the iron hoss was foaled.  This was be4 steembotes was goin round bustin their bilers & sendin peple higher nor a kite.  Them was happy days, when people was intelligent & wax figgers & livin wild beests wasn't scoffed at. "O dase of me boyhood     I'm dreamin on ye now!" (Poeckry.) A.W.           ____________________ II. BETSY-JAIN RE-ORGUNIZED. I NEVER attempted to re-Orgunize my wife but onct.  I shall sever attempt agin. I'd bin to a public dinner, and had allowed myself to be betrayed inter drinkin several peple's healths; and wishin to maik 'em as Ro-Bust as posserble, I continner'd drinkin thur healths until mi Own becum afflicktid.  Consekens was, I presunted myself at Betty's bedside late at nite, with considerbul licker koncealed about my persun. I hed somehow got perseschun of a hosswhip on my way hum, and rememberin some kranky observashuns of Mrs Ward's in the mornin, I snapt the whip putty lively, and in a very loud voyce I said, "Betsy, you need re-Orgunizin!  I have cum, Betsy," I continnered, crackin the whip over the bed--" I have cum to re-Orgunize yer!  Ha-awe you per-aged to-night? * * * * * * * * I dreamed that nice that sumbody had layd a hosswhip over me sevril conseckootive times, and when I woke up I found she had. I haint drunk mich of anythin sence, and ef I ever have anuther re-Orgunizin job on hand I shall let it out. ____________________ ARTEMUS WARD'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. New York, near Fifth Avenoo Hotel, Org. 31ct. EDITER OF PLAY BILL. Dr Sir,--Yrs, into which you ask me to send you sum leadin incidents in my life so you can write my Bogfry for the papers, cum dooly to hand.  I hav no doubt that a article onto my life, grammattycally jerked and properly punktooated, would be a addition to the chois literatoor of the day.