The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)Ward, Artemus
General
The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)
Ward, Artemus
American wit and humor
YOUNG CLERGYMAN:--Two pints of rum, two quarts of hot water, tea-cup
of sugar, and a lemon; grate in nutmeg, stir thoroughly and drink while
hot.
It was during his engagement on the "Plaindealer" that he wrote, dating
from Indiana, his first communication,--the first published letter
following this sketch, signed "Artemus Ward" a sobriquet purely
incidental, but borne with the "u" changed to an "a" by an American
revolutionary general. It was here that Mr. Browne first became, IN
WORDS, the possessor of a moral show "consisting of three moral bares,
the a kangaroo (a amoozing little rascal; 'twould make you larf yourself
to death to see the little kuss jump and squeal), wax figures of G.
Washington, &c. &c." Hundreds of newspapers copied this letter, and
Charles Browne awoke one morning to find himself famous.
In the "Plaindealer" office, his companion, George Hoyt, writes: "His
desk was a rickety table which had been whittled and gashed until it
looked as if it had been the victim of lightning. His chair was a fit
companion thereto,--a wabbling, unsteady affair, sometimes with four and
sometimes with three legs. But Browne saw neither the table, nor the
chair, nor any person who might be near, nothing, in fact, but the funny
pictures which were tumbling out of his brain. When writing, his gaunt
form looked ridiculous enough. One leg hung over the arm of his chair
like a great hook, while he would write away, sometimes laughing to
himself, and then slapping the table in the excess of his mirth."
While in the office of the "Plaindealer," Mr. Browne first conceived the
idea of becoming a lecturer. In attending the various minstrel shows and
circuses which came to the city, he would frequently hear repeated some
story of his own which the audience would receive with hilarity. His
best witticisms came back to him from the lips of another who made a
living by quoting a stolen jest. Then the thought came to him to
enter the lecture field himself, and become the utterer of his own
witticisms--the mouthpiece of his own jests.
On the 10th of November, 1860, Charles Browne, whose fame, traveling
in his letters from Boston to San Francisco, had now become national,
grasped the hands of his hundreds of New York admirers. Cleveland
had throned him the monarch of mirth, and a thousand hearts paid him
tributes of adulation as he closed his connection with the Cleveland
Press.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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