[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael Hart] This etext was produced by anonymous Project Gutenberg Volunteers THE PROJECT GUTENBERG ETEXT OF THE COMPLETE WORKS OF ARTEMUS WARD (CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE) PART 2 THE COMPLETE WORKS OF ARTEMUS WARD PART 2, WAR. (CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE) With a biographical sketch by Melville D. Landon, "Eli Perkins" CONTENTS. PART II. War. 2.1. The Show is Confiscated. 2.2. Thrilling Scenes in Dixie. 2.3. Fourth of July Oration. 2.4. The War Fever in Baldinsville. 2.5. A War Meeting. 2.6. The Draft in Baldinsville. 2.7. Surrender of Cornwallis. 2.8. Things in New York. 2.9. Touching Letter from a Gory Member Of The Home Guard 2.10. In Canada. 2.11. The Noble Red Man. 2.12. Artemus Ward in Richmond. 2.13. Artemus Ward to the Prince of Wales. PART II. WAR. 2.1. THE SHOW IS CONFISCATED. You hav perhaps wondered wharebouts I was for these many dase gone and past. Perchans you sposed I'd gone to the Tomb of the Cappylets, tho I don't know what those is. It's a popler noospaper frase. Listen to my tail, and be silent that ye may here I've been among the Seseshers, a earnin my daily peck by my legitimit perfeshun, and havn't had no time to weeld my facile quill for "the Grate Komick paper," if you'll allow me to kote from your troothful advertisement. My success was skaly, and I likewise had a narrer scape of my life. If what I've bin threw is "Suthren hosspitality," 'bout which we've hearn so much, then I feel bound to obsarve that they made two much of me. They was altogether two lavish with their attenshuns. I went amung the Seseshers with no feelins of annermosity. I went in my perfeshernal capacity. I was actooated by one of the most Loftiest desires which can swell the human Buzzum, viz.:--to giv the peeple their money's worth, by showin them Sagashus Beests, and Wax Statoots, which I venter to say air onsurpast by any other statoots anywheres. I will not call that man who sez my statoots is humbugs a lier and a hoss thief, but bring him be4 me and I'll wither him with one of my scornful frowns.