[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael Hart] This etext was produced by anonymous Project Gutenberg Volunteers The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (Charles Farrar Browne) Part 4 THE COMPLETE WORKS OF ARTEMUS WARD PART 4, TO CALIFORNIA AND RETURN (CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE) With a biographical sketch by Melville D. Landon, "Eli Perkins" CONTENTS. PART IV. TO CALIFORNIA AND RETURN. 4.1. On the Steamer. 4.2. The Isthmus. 4.3. Mexico. 4.4. California. 4.5. Washoe. 4.6. Mr. Pepper. 4.7. Horace Greeley's Ride to Placerville. 4.8. To Reese River. 4.9. Great Salt Lake City. 4.10. The Mountain Fever. 4.11. "I am Here." 4.12. Brigham Young. 4.13. A Piece is Spoken. 4.14. The Ball. 4.15. Phelp's Almanac. 4.16. Hurrah for the Road. 4.17. Very Much Married. 4.18. The Revelation of Joseph Smith. PART IV. TO CALIFORNIA AND RETURN. 4.1. ON THE STEAMER. New York, Oct. 13, 1868. The steamer Ariel starts for California at noon. Her decks are crowded with excited passengers, who instantly undertake to "look after" their trunks and things; and what with our smashing against each other, and the yells of the porters, and the wails over lost baggage, and the crash of boxes, and the roar of the boilers, we are for the time being about as unhappy a lot of maniacs as was ever thrown together. I am one of them. I am rushing around with a glaring eye in search of a box. Great jam, in which I find a sweet young lady, with golden hair, clinging to me fondly, and saying, "Dear George, farewell!"-- Discovers her mistake, and disappears. I should like to be George some more. Confusion so great that I seek refuge in a stateroom which contains a single lady of forty-five summers, who says, "Base man! leave me!" I leave her. By and by we cool down, and become somewhat regulated. NEXT DAY When the gong sounds for breakfast we are fairly out on the sea, which runs roughly, and the Ariel rocks wildly. Many of the passengers are sick, and a young naval officer establishes a reputation as a wit by carrying to one of the invalids a plate of raw salt pork, swimming in cheap molasses. I am not sick; so I roll round the deck in the most cheerful sea-dog manner. . . . .