[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael Hart] This etext was produced by anonymous Project Gutenberg Volunteers The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (Charles Farrar Browne) Part 5 THE COMPLETE WORKS OF ARTEMUS WARD PART 5, THE LONDON PUNCH LETTERS (CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE) With a biographical sketch by Melville D. Landon, "Eli Perkins" PART V. The London Punch Letters. 5.1. Arrival in London. 5.2. Personal Recollections. 5.3. The Green Lion and Oliver Cromwell. 5.4. At the Tomb of Shakespeare. 5.5. Introduction to the Club. 5.6. The Tower of London. 5.7. Science and Natural History. 5.8. A Visit to the British Museum. PART V. THE LONDON PUNCH LETTERS. P.S.--June 16th.--Artemus Ward really arrived in London yesterday. He has come to England at last, though, like "La Belle Helene at the Adelphi Theatre, he "has been some time in preparation." JOHN CAMDEN HOTTEN, Piccadilly, W. Jan. 30, 1865. 5.1. ARRIVAL IN LONDON. MR. PUNCH: My dear Sir,--You prob'ly didn't meet my uncle Wilyim when he was on these shores. I jedge so from the fack that his pursoots wasn't litrary. Commerce, which it has been trooly observed by a statesman, or somebody, is the foundation stone onto which a nation's greatness rests, glorious Commerce was Uncle Wilyim's fort. He sold soap. It smelt pretty, and redily commanded two pents a cake. I'm the only litrary man in our fam'ly. It is troo, I once had a dear cuzzun who wrote 22 verses onto "A Child who nearly Died of the Measles, O!" but as he injoodiciously introjudiced a chorious at the end of each stansy, the parrents didn't like it at all. The father in particler wept afresh, assaulted my cuzzun, and said he never felt so ridicklus in his intire life. The onhappy result was that my cuzzun abandined poetry forever, and went back to shoemakin, a shattered man.