Wall, all A. W. nose abowt it is thet his luvly contemplativ wun day used up the MulteplyKashun tabul in kountin the long Stockins on a close line in Brigham's back yard--and he soddingly had to leave, fer the site made him dizzy. It was too mutch for him. -- Yures abstractid, WARTEMUS DARD. 7.17. A. WARD'S FIRST UMBRELLA. [A friend of Artemus Ward's sends the following, with the request that it may be included in the present edition.] The solumncholies hev bin on-to A. W. now and agin, as it dus to most ov the four-lorned human naturs in this Vayl of Tares. She's tickled me considerabull sumtims--only it was the wrong wa. Most human naturs git tickled the wrong wa sumtims. She was heviest onter me the fust yeer I ever owned a Umbrellar. I was going on 18 yeer old then, and praid for rane as bad as any dride-up farmer. I wantid to show that umBrellar--I wantid to mak sum persnul apeerents with that brellar--I desirud Jim parker and Hiram Goss to witness the site--I felt my birthWrite was bowned up in that brellar--I wantid to be a MAN! I'd un-hook'd frum Betsy Jain fur a spell--(canfidenshal, leastways, I hadn't commenced cortin up to her rite down in ernest then)--and kum evenin I went over to the Widder Blakes. I'd the umBrellar along, and opun'd it outside the door--pretendin I couldn't klose it like, so that the dawter could hev a good Luke at my property. But it wuz no use; the new Brellar didn't take, and Sally sed she thort I "needn't cum agin !" I hev bin many wheres, and seen sum few in this erthly Tavernknuckle, but ov all the solum hours I ever speeriunsed the 1 ockepied in going hum that partickler nite frum the Widders was the most solumm. I'd a mind to throw awa that Brellar more'n onct as I went along. 7.18. AN AFFECTING POEM. "POOR Jonathan Snow Away did go All on the ragen mane, With other males, All for to ketch wales, & nere come back agen. The wind bloo high, The billers tost, All hands were lost, And he was one, A spritely lad, Nigh 21." 7.19. MORMON BILL OF FARE BRIGHAM YOUNG'S HOUSES. BRIGHAM'S Wives live in these houses. They live well at Brigham's, the following being the usual BILL OF FARE. SOUPS, ETC. Matrimonial Stews (with pretty Pickles). FISH. Salt Lake Gudgeon. ROAST. Brigham's Lambs (Sauce piquante). Minced Heart (Mormon style). BROILED. Domestic Broils (Family style) ENTREES. Little Deers.