Not having enny encyclopedia from which tew sponge mi informashun, and then pass it oph for mi own creashun, i shall be forced, while talking about the louse, “tew fight it out on the line” ov observashun, and when mi knowledge, and experience gives out, i shall tap mi imaginashun, ov which i hav a crude supply. Book edukashun iz a phatting thing, it makes a man stick out with other folks opinyuns, and iz a good thing tu make the vulgar rool up the white ov their eyes, and wonder how enny man could ever kno so mutch wisdum. Schooling, when I waz a colt, didn’t lie around so loose az it duz now, and learning waz picked up oftner by running yure head aginst a stun wall, than by enny other kind ov mineralogy. I have studied botany all day, in a flat meadow, pulling cowslops for greens, and then classified them, by picking them over and gitting them reddy for the pot. All the astronomy i ever got i larnt in spearing suckers bi moonlite, and mi geoligy culminated at the further end of a woodchucks hole, espeshily if i got the woodchuck. Az for moral philosophy and rhetorick, if it iz the science ov hooking green apples and water-mellons 30 years ago, and being auful sorry for it now, i am up head in that class. But all this iz remote from the louse. The louse iz a familiar animal, very sedentary in hiz habits, not apt tew git lost. They kan be cultivated without the aid ov a guide book, and with half a chance will multiply and thicken az much az pimples on the goose. Thare iz no ground so fruitful for the full development ov this little domestick collateral, az a districkt school hous, and while the yung idea iz breaking its shell, and playing hide and go seek on the inside ov the dear urchins skull, the louse iz playing tag on the outside, and quite often gets on to the school mom. I hav alwus had a hi venerashun for the louse, not bekause i consider them az enny evidence of genius, or even neatness, but becauze they remind me ov my boyhood innocence, the days away back in the alpahabet ov memory, when i sot on the flatt side ov a slab bench, and spelt out old Webster with one hand, and stirred the top ov my head with the other. Philosophikally handled, the louse are gregarious, and were a complete suckcess at one time in Egypt, bible historians don’t hesitate tew say, that they were aul the rage at that time, the whole crust ov the earth simmered and biled with them, like a pot ov steaming flax seed, they were a drug in the market. But this waz more louse than waz necessary, or pleasant, and waz a punishment for sum sin, and ain’t spoke ov, az a matter tew brag on. The louse are all well enuff in their place, and for the sake ov variety, perhaps a few ov them are just az good az more would be. They were desighned for sum wize purpose, and for that very reason, are respektabel.