When, (in the lapse of time,) it cums tew be revealed to us, that a single louse, chewing away on the summit ov Daniel Webster’s head, when he waz a little schoolboy, waz the telegraphick tutch tew the wire that bust the fust idee in hiz brain, we shall see wisdom in the louse, and shant stick up our noze, untill we turn a back summersett, at these venerable soldjers, in the grand army ov progression. After we hav reached years ov discretion, and have got our edukashun, and our karakters have got done developing, and we begin tew hold offiss, and are elekted justiss ov the peace, for instance, and don’t seem tew need enny more louse tew stir us up, it iz time enuff then tew be sassy to them. Az for me, thare iz only one piece (thus far) ov vital creation, that i aktually _hate_, and that iz a bed-bugg. I simply _dispize_ snaiks, _fear_ musketoze, _avoid_ fleas, don’t _associate_ with the cockroach, _go around_ toads, _back out_ square for a hornet. Nevertheless, moreover, to wit, i must say, even at this day of refinement, and bell letters, i do aktually luv to stand on tip-toe, and see a romping, red-cheeked, blew-eyed boy, chased up stairs and then down stair, and then out in the garden, and finally caught and throwed, and held firmly between hiz mother’s kneeze, and see an old, warped, fine-toothed horn comb go and come, half buried through a flood ov lawless hair, and drag each trip to the light, a fat and lively louse--and, in conclusion, to hear him pop as mother pins him with her thum nail fast tew the center ov the comb, fills me chuck up to the brim with something, i don’t know what the feeling iz; perhaps sumboddy out ov a job can tell me. KATS. A kat iz sed to hav 9 lives, but i beleaf they dont hav but one square deth. It iz allmost unpossible to tell when a kat iz ded without the aid ov a koroners jury. I hav only one way miself to judge ov a ded kat. [Illustration: KATS.] If a kat iz killed in the fall ov the year, and thrown over the stun wall into yure nabors lot, and lays thare all winter under a sno bank, and dont thaw out in the spring, and keeps quiet during the summer months, and aint missing when winter sets in agin, I have alwus sed, that, ‘_that kat_,’ waz ded, or waz playing the thing dredful fine. Speaking ov kats, mi opinyun iz, and will continue to be, that the old-fashioned kaliko-coulered kats iz the best breed for a man ov moderate means, who haint got but little munny to put into kats. They propugate the most intensely, and lay around the stove more regular than the Maltese, or the brindle kind. The yeller kat iz a fair kat, but they ain’t reliable; they are apt tew stay out late nights, and once in a while git on a bad bust. Blak kats hav a way ov gitting on the top ov the wood-house when other folks hav gone tew bed, and singing dewets till their voices spile, and their tails swell till it seems az tho they must split. THE HUM BUGG.