If men are honest they will tell yu that their suckcess in life iz more ov a wonder tew them, than it iz to you. Take all the pride out ov this world, and mankind would be like a bob-tailed pekok, anxious to hide under sumbody’s barn. I think the heft ov people take az mutch comfort in bragging ov their misfortunes, az they do ov their good luk. Call a man a thief, and yu license him tew steal. A sekret ceases tew be a sekret if it iz once confided--it iz like a dollar bill, once broken, it iz never a dollar agin. All fights, tew produce enny moral advantage, should end in viktory tew one side, or the other. Yu will alwus see dorgs renew a drawn battle, every time they meet. Thare iz a grate difference between holding a hi offiss, or having a hi offis hold us. If a man iz full ov himself, don’t tap him, but rather plugg him up, and let him choke tew deth or bust. Laws are not made out ov justiss, they are made out ov necessity. The man who kant find enny virtew in the human heart haz probably given us a faithful sinopsiss ov his own. I don’t think that Fortune haz got enny favourites, she was born blind, and i notis them who win the oftenest, go it blind, too. It iz a safer thing enny time, to follow a man’s advice, than hiz example. [Illustration: RAMRODS.] The heart is wife ov the head, and we, (who hav tried it), all kno how purswasiv the wife iz--espeshily when she wants sumthing. I konsider a weak man more dangerous than a malishus one, malishus men hav sum karacter, but weak ones don’t have enny. I hav notissed one thing, that the most virtewous and diskreet folks we hav amungst us, are thoze who hav either no pashuns all, or verry tame ones--it iz a grate deal eazier tew be a good dove, than a decent sarpent. The man who takes a dollar iz a thief, but if he steals a millyun he iz a genius. Virtew haz no pride in it, nor sin enny humility. Owls are grave, not on account ov their wisdom, but on account ov their gravity. He who duz a good thing sekretly, steals a march on heaven. Hunting after health, iz like hunting after fleas, the more yu hunt them, the more the flea. Take the sellfishness out ov this world, and thare would be more happeness than we should kno what to do with. When a man gits so reduced that he kant help ennyboddy else, then we vote him a pension for the rest ov his days, by calling him a “_poor devil_.” Thare seems to be affektashun in every thing, even sin has its impostors. It is a fakt (known to us doktors) that yu kan ketch the little pox ov a man before it brakes out on him eazier than yu kan after it haz broke out. Tis thus with wickedness; the openly so are less dangerous than thoze who hav it under the skin. When we are more anxus tew pleaze than tew be pleazed, then we are in love in good arnest. If a man iz happy, he kan afford to be poor and neglekted.