A vishus old man iz a terrible sight dispised on earth and hated in heaven. The avarishus man iz like the grave, he takes all that he kan lay hiz hands on, and gives nothing back. Bashfulness iz either the effek ov ignorance or modesty--if it iz ignorance, edukashun changes it into impertinence--if it iz modesty, it will kling tew a man a long az he haz got one single virtew left. Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her az yu hav. _Hope_ iz the germ, _Faith_ the blossom, and _Charity_ the fruit. Thare iz this difference between a weak friend and a bitter enemy--the one puts us oph our guard, and the other puts us on. Whenever yu kan find a man to whom yu kan tell all yure sekrets, and still retain hiz respekt, yu have found a friend indeed. When a man abuzes me i will pay no more attenshon tew him than i will to a country cur who barks at me; this will make both the dog and the man ashamed ov themselfs. Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable. Thare ain’t mutch phun in phisick, but thare iz a good deal ov phisick in phun. Men will forgit injurys eazier than kontempt; they had rather be hated than not noticed. I hav bin watching human intercourse a little lately, and i find it is largely made up ov _grunts_, _groans_ and _growls_, varied with _huffs_, _hoots_, and howls. I like a good hater, but i want him able tew giv good reazons for it. About the emptyest thing i kno ov iz a pocket-book, with nothing in it--it iz rather wuss than a knot-hole. The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes. It seems tew me that good breeding iz the art ov making everyboddy satisfied with themselfs, and pleased with you. The man whom forgivness wont humble iz a brute. SLIPS OF THE PEN. The wizest thing about a man iz hiz conscience--edukashun don’t improve it. If yu want tew find out the ruling pashun ov a hoss, feed him high on oats--it iz jiss so with mankind. Az a gineral rule, the best way iz tew decide yureself what bizness in life it iz best for yure yung one tew foller, and then stick him at it while he iz limber--men alwus pole vines before they begin tew run mutch. The only way for me to git out ov a tight spot iz tew git into it fust. Sum folks kan tell exackly how a thing feels by not tuching it, but I kant. The more babes in a family, the eazier and better they are raized--one chicken alwus makes an old hen more clucking and scratching than a duzen duz. It takes an uncommon smart man, now-daze, tew make money by telling the truth--it iz aktually an evidense ov genius. It iz a very small spot in the lightning bug’s tail that shines; it iz the darkness ov the nite that makes it so brilliant--it iz jist so with virtew.