Trieing tew satisfy our desires with wealth iz like trieing tew stop up a rat hole with sand--the rats will soon dig out sum whare else. A piece ov satire, tew be beneficial, should be so rendered that every man who reads, or hears it, shall say to himself, “That iz just, bekauze it hits every boddy but me.” Skandle iz az ketching az the small pox, and perhaps thare iz but one real preventative, and that iz--tew be vacksinated with deaf and dumbness. Really wize men pay but little attenshun to misterys, but one good mistery will furnish a dozen phools with vittles and drink for a year, and fat the whole ov them besides. We are all ov us too apt tew judge ov a sin by its size. We will pass a 10 cent counterfit shin plaster, when we would shudder at a 10 dollar bill. Mi friend haz got hiz phailings, and that iz one thing that makes me like him so mutch. Affeckshun iz a vine full ov tendrils, and if yu don’t phurnish it sumthing better tew climb, it will phurnish itself sumthing wuss; this ackounts for its running after sore eyed lap dogs and sick monkeys. Poverty iz the step mother ov genius. Beware ov the man who makes a still noize when he walks, and who purrs when he talks; he iz a kat in disguise. It iz now 30 years ago since a phellow with green goggles on and a white neck tie, offered tew sell me sumthing for 50 cents, whitch he sed waz worth 5 dollars. I’ve forgot what it waz, but i remember it waz a beat, and az often az once a year ever since, I have tried the same thing over, and got beat every time. When shame leaves a man, the kandle goes out, and hiz soul gropes its way in the dark, a slave tew mean, and brutal pashuns. Civilizashun haz made justiss one ov the luxurys, for which we have tew pay the highest price. Lies are like a bad penny, sure tew return to their owner. “_Time iz money_,”--menny people take this saying in its literal sense, and undertake tew pay their debts with it. Competishun iz a good thing, even amung brutes--two dogs on a farm make both dogs more watchful. Originality in writing haz alwus been praized, but i hav red sum authors who were too original tew be interesting. Altho the learned and witty often cater to the ritch, thare never waz one yet, however poor, who would swap estates with them. If a man iz very bizzy he kant be very sorrowful, nor very viscious. If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz munny--a mere pimp tew hiz welth. One ov the saddest sights ov all to me, iz an old man, poor and deserted, whom i once knew living in ease and luxury. I don’t think the world haz ever seen a sparkling, brilliant wit yet, who waz not troubled at times with the--_hiccups_. Silence iz one ov the hardest kind ov arguments tew refute. The fust thing in this life tew be desired, in the phisikal line, iz a happy set ov bowells, after that, virtew, and branes, are in order. Justiss now daze aint worth what it kosts.