I’ve seen men so fun-proof that yu kouldn’t fire a joke into them with a dubble-barreled gun. Thare are people who are so mutch matter-of-fakt in everything, that when they eat pork and beans, they want the pork one day and the beans the next. If i waz called upon tew tell who waz the bravest man that ever lived, i would say it waz him _who never told a lie_. The meanest thing that enny man ever followed for a bizzness, iz making money. Everyboddy luvs tew feel that they are ov sum importanse in this world, even a pauper looks forward tew the day ov his phunerul az the time that he haz got tew be notissed. PEPPER PODS. If yu hav got a spirited and noble boy, appeal tew hiz generosity, if yu hav got a heavy and sullen one appeal tew hiz back. A grate menny ov our people go abroad tew improve their minds, who hadn’t got enny minds when they war at home; knowledge, like charity, shud begin at home, and then spred. Affickshuns are the compliments that Heaven pays tew the virtewous. Noboddy but a phool will spend hiz time trieing tew convince a phool. Time iz like money, the less we hav ov it teu spare the further we make it go. The tounge iz really a verry fasst member ov the boddy politick, he duz all the talking, and two-thirds ov the thinking. Men who invade the province uv wimmin are alwus jeered at, and how kan wimmin, when they invade the province ov men expekt tew eskape the same kind ov treatment. He who spends hiz younger days in disapashun iz mortgaging himself tew disseaze and poverty, two inexorable creditors, who are certain tew foreclose at last, and take possession ov the premises. Thare iz menny a person who kan set a mouse-trap tew perfeckshun, but not satisfied with sich small game, undertake tew trap for bears, and git ketched bi the bears. MORAL: studdy yure genius, and stick tew mice. Young man don’t marry abuv or below yure rank, not that i think thare iz evry virtew in rank, but thare iz _custom_ in it, and custom often outranks law and gospel. Let him go, mi son, sed an ancient father tew hiz boy, who had caught a yung rabbit, and when he gits bigger ketch him agin. The boy did az he waz told, and haz been looking for that rabbit ever since. The world owes all its energys and refinement tew luxurys--digging roots for brekfast and going naked for clothes, iz the virtewous innocence ov a lazy savage. Thare iz lots ov folks who eat well, and drink well, and sleep well, and yet are sick all the time--theze are the folks who alwus _enjoy poor health_. If a man hits yu, and you hit him back, yu are even, but if yu don’t strike back he iz yure debtor, and alwus owes yu a crack. A person with a little smattering ov learning, iz a good deal like a hen’s egg that haz been sot on for a short time, and then deserted by the hen, it iz spilte for hatching out ennything. “_People ov good sense_” are thoze whoze opinyuns agree with ours.