Virtew iz like strength, no man kan tell how mutch he haz got ov it till he cums akrost sumthing he kant lift. I hav cum tew the konklusion that what every boddy praizes wants cluss watching. Thare iz nothing the wurld will pay so mutch for az fust rate nonsense, and thare iz nothing in the market so skarse. Thare iz menny folks who are like mules, the only way tew their affeckshuns iz thru the kindness ov a klub. Thare aint but phew people who know how to giv gifts, and the number who kno how tew receive them iz less. The strongest propensity in womans natur iz to want to know “_whats going on!_” and the next strongest, iz tew boss the job. Skorn not the day ov little things, for thare iz no man in this world so grate but what sum one kan do him a favor or an injury. Thare iz one witness that never iz guilty ov perjury, and that iz the conscience. Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too soon. REMARKS. When a man hain’t got enny thing to say, then iz a good time tew keep still,--thare iz but few people who hav missed a good opportunity tew ventilate their opiniyuns. Just about az cerimonys creep into one end ov a church piety creeps out ov the other. Thoze who hav the fewest failings, see the fewest in others. Pride iz az universal az hair on the hed--sum are proud ov their virtews, sum ov their vices, and sum, having neither themselves, brag on other people’s. Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. An industrious man iz seldom a bad man. Men will believe their pashuns quicker than they will their consciences, and yet their pashuns are generally wrong, and their consciences alwus right. It ain’t mutch truble tew bear the pain or sum boddy else’s lame back, but tew hav the lame back oneself ain’t so stylish. Dispising fortune iz not a sure way tew gain her favors,--pipe to her, and she may dance to you. Take all the _interest_ out ov this world, and there wouldn’t be _friendship_ enuff left for seed. Sekrets are a burden, and that iz one reason why we are anxious to hav sumboddy help us carry them. I hav seen men so full ov vanity, that they could not endure the sight ov a peacock, with his tale on parade. The most excruciating bore I know is excessive politeness. If I was called upon tew describe Eloquence, I should do it az I would a suit ov clothes,--‘_ov suitable texture and a perfect fit_.’ Gravity iz no more an evidence ov wisdom, than it iz ov ill natur. The greater the man, the less hiz virteus appear, and the larger hiz faults. The man who hain’t got an enemy, iz really poor. Don’t mistake _vivacity_ for _wit_, thare iz just az mutch diffrence as thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug. No man ever yet undertook tew alter his natur by substituting sum invenshun ov his own, but what made a botch job ov it.