A bile ain’t a very sore thing after all, espeshily when it iz on sum other phellow. Pretty much all the philosophy in this world iz kontained in the following bracket--[_grin and bear it._] I don’t kno whitch haz done the most damage in this world, lazyness or malice, but i guess lazyness has. If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one “Doubtful” and the other 3 “Useless.” Rumor iz like a swarm ov bees, the more yu fite them the less yu git rid ov them. Virtew may konsist in never sinning, but the glory ov virtew konsists in repentance. Fashion makes phools ov sum, sinners ov others, and slaves ov all. A jest may be kruel, but a joke never iz. I never bet: not so mutch bekause i am afrade i shall loze, az bekauze i am afrade i shall win. A phools money iz like hiz brains, very oneazy. I don’t think the height ov impudence haz ever been reached yet, altho menny hav made a good try for it. The reason whi all the works ov nature are so impressive, iz bekauze, they represent ideas. The books which summer tourists carry about with them are desighned more to employ the hands, than improve the branes. The man whoze whole strength lays in his money iz a weak man; I had rather be able tew milk a cow suckcessfully, on the wrong side, than to be such a man. * * * * * Patience, if it iz merely constitushional, don’t appear tew me to be enny more ov a virtue than kold feet are. But fu sights, in this life, are more sublime and pathetick, than tew see a poor, but virtuous yung man, full ov christian fortitude, struggling with a mustach. REMARKS. Marrying a woman for her munny is vera mutch like setting a rat-trap, and baiting it with yure own finger. It is highly important, when a man makes up his minde tew bekum a raskall, that he shud examine hisself clusly, and see if he aint better konstructed for a phool. I argy in this way, if a man is right he cant be too radikal, if he is rong he kant be too conservatiff. I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men. I beleave in suggar coated pills.--I also beleave that virtue and wisdum kan be smuggled into a man’s soul bi a good natured proverb, better and deeper than tew be mortised into it with a worm-wood mallet and chissell. The pure don’t grow old enny more than a mountain spring dus. Rize arly, work hard, and late, live on what yu kant sell, giv nothing awa, and if yu dont die ritch, and go tu the devil, yu ma sue me for damages. Marrin for love ma be a little risky, but it is so honest, that God kant help but smile on it. I think i had rather hav a noze 7 inches and a half long, (in the clear) than tew be the hansumest man in our county; for in the fust case, i should work hard tew shorten mi nose bi some other good qualitys, while in the other case, i probably should never be told by my looking-glass that i was a phool.