Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don’t serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long. Aul ov us komplain ov the shortness ov life yet we all waste more time than we uze. That, some peoples are fond ov bragging about their ansesstors, and their grate descent, when in fack, their _grate descent_ iz jist what’s the matter ov them. We are told “that an honest man is the noblest _work_ ov God”--but the demand for the _work_ has been so limited, that i hav thought a large share ov the fust edishun must still be in the author’s hands. I never bet enny stamps on the man who iz always telling what he would have did if he had bin _thare_; I hav notised that this kind never git _thare_. Success in life iz verry apt tew make us forget the time when we wasn’t much. It iz jist so with the frog on the jump; he kant remember when he waz a tadpole--but other folks kan. I always advise short sermons, espeshily on a hot Sunday. If a minister cant strike ile in boring 40 minutes, he has either got a poor gimblet, or else he is boring in the rong plase. Thare is 2 kinds of politeness, the ripe, and the too mutch ripe politeness; a goose has a grate deal of this last kind ov politeness; i have seen them lower their heds while going into a barn door, that was 18 foot high. God save the phools! and don’t let them run out, for if it want for them, wise men couldn’t get a livin. Pudding and milk is a good thing tew git happy on, but too mutch pudding and milk, even, will worry a man. The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else. NOSEGAYS. The man who iz alwus anxious tew assume a responsibility, iz either a phool, or a knave, i dont kno which. If yu want to klime a tree yu hav got tew begin at the bottom. As spunky people az i hav ever known have been az arrant kowards. I had mutch rather _alwuss_ look forward tew the time, when i am going tew ride in a carriage, than tew look bak _once_ tew the time when i used to do it. A certain amount of cerimony seems tew be necessary to run the soshul masheen with, but when pholks git so mutch cerimony on hand, that they have tew be formaly introduced every time they meet at an evening meeting, i think that they hav wore the flesh all oph from cerimony. [Illustration: NOSEGAYS.] When i cum akrost people who are perfektly krazy for ventilashun, i say to miself, “that kritter was brought up in a windmill.” The majority ov the world are like rats, they live upon plunder and forsake a sinking ship. Punktuality is one grate element ov sukcess. A watch that dont keep korrekt time is wuss than no watch at all. Grate powers are useful only az they are made serviceable--the value ov a hoss depends upon hiz being well broke. Too mutch branes iz rather a hindrance than a help to a simply bizzness man.