Don’t never tell any sekrets tew an Interviewer; he will open them az they open oysters in the market, and retail them on the haff shell. I treat all interviewers politely; when they begin tew bait me, i ask them tew smoke (i never knu one to refuse), and when they press me too clussly then i begin tew whissell. I am an awful poor whissler enny how. I do really pitty the poor Interviewer; he works for hiz bread like enny other skribbler, and for what i kno, hates the bizzness, but i am sad when I say, that if he iz good at interviewing, he iz too impudent tew be good for enny thing else. Sum people luv tew be interviewed, and i must say, theze kind of pholks never reach the dignity ov impudence; they are simply disgusting. Yu kant git a journeyman Interviewer tew waste enny time on sutch stale goods; he would az soon think of interviewing a last year’s birds’ nest, or a kuntry gide-board. Thare iz no kure for a reglar Interviewer; he thirsts for the game like a fox hound on the trak; he livs upon plunder, and would rather be sent up for 30 daze than to see hiz collum in the morning Gazzette without a trophy. THE MUSK RAT. The musk rat iz bigger than a squirrell, and smaller than a woodchuk, and iz az unlike them az a Rokaway klam and a lobster are different from each other. He iz amphibikuss, and kan liv on the land a good deal longer than he kan liv under the water. He feeds upon roots, herbs, and soft klams, and smells like the wake of a fashionable woman out on parade. He bilds houses in the winter, about az big az flour barrels, all over the marshes, and enters them from the cellar. Hiz phur iz worth just about 25 cents, and aint lively in market at that. Yu kan ketch them in allmoste enny kind ov a trap that haz got a way tew git into it. They are not kunning, and aint diffikult tew suit. When i waz a boy i trapped every winter for musk rats, and bought the fust pare ov skates i ever owned with their skins. I hav seen them in winter setting up on end on the ice, cluss beside their holes, az stiff az an ezklamashun point, and when they see me they change ends and point down, like a semicolon, and that waz the last ov them. The musk rat haz a flat tale, with no more phur on it than a file haz. I dont dispize musk rat--oh, no!--but i dont worship him. He haz but phew sins tew answer for; the chief one iz digging holes in the bank of the Erie kanal, and letting the water brake out. He will hav tew answer for this sumtime. I luv all the animals, all the bugs, all the beasts, all the insex, all the katterpillars, bekauze they are so natral. They are az mutch, if not more, an evidence tew me ov the existance, the power, and the luv, ov an overruling Providence, as man iz. I kan see az mutch fust klass natur in an angleworm, akording tew the square inch, az i kan see in an elephant.