I luv tew go phooling around amung the animiles ov all kinds in a warm day; i had rather set down bi the side ov an ant hill and see the whole swarm pitch onto a lazy kuss who won’t work, and run him out ov the diggins, than tew set six hours at the opera and applaud what i don’t understand, and weep at the spot whare the rest do, and pay 3 dollars for the privilege ov doing it. THE MINK. The mink iz about fourth cuzzin tew the musk rat, and haz sum things in common with him; they both smell alike. He iz one ov yure land and water citizens, and kan dive deeper, do it quicker, and kum out dryer than enny thing i kno ov. His phur iz one ov the luxurys ov the present generashun and iz worth az mutch akording tew its size as one dollar bills are. He haz no very strong pekuliarity ov karakter except hiz perfume, which iz about haff way in its smell between the beaver and the musk rat. The mink haz 4 times the kunning that the musk rat haz, and iz bilt long and slim like a little girl’s stocking. They are not handy tew ketch, but when ketched are skinned whole. I hav trapt a good deal for mink and hav kaught them mity little, for they are almost az hard tew ketch in a trap and keep thare as a ray ov light iz. Thare iz sum people who hav et mink, and sed it waz good, but i wouldn’t beleave sutch a man under oath, not bekauze he ment tew lie, but bekauze he didn’t kno what the truth waz. I et a piece ov biled wilekat once, and that haz lasted me ever since, but i never waz parshall tew wild meat ennyhow. I lived 25 years ov mi life whare game ov all kinds waz plenty. We had bear, oppossum, buffalo and rattlesnaik, and then nights we had draw poker and hi lo Jak, just tew waste the time a leetle. THE DISTRIKT SKOOLMASTER. Thare iz one man in this basement world that i alwus look upon with mixt pheelings ov pitty and respekt. _Pitty_ and _respekt_, az a genral mixtur, don’t mix well. You will find them both traveling around amungst folks, but not growing on the same bush. When they do hug each other, they mean sumthing. Pitty, without respekt, hain’t got much more oats in it than disgust haz. I had rather a man would hit me on the side ov the hed than tew pitty me. But thare iz one man in this world to whom i alwus take oph mi hat, and remain uncovered untill he gits safely by, and that iz the distrikt skoolmaster. When I meet him, I look upon him az a martyr just returning from the stake, or on hiz way thare tew be cooked. He leads a more lonesum and single life than an old bachelor, and a more anxious one than an old maid. He iz remembered jist about az long and affektionately az a gide board iz by a traveling pack pedlar. If he undertakes tew make hiz skollars luv him, the chances are he will neglekt their larning; and if he don’t lick them now and then pretty often, they will soon lick him.