The funny man’s jokes are at best only jests, sumtimes he reaches tew the dignity ov a poor pun, and hiz vanity then absorbs all hiz humor. It iz an awful thing tew be a funny man, it iz almost az dredful az the counterfiting bizzness. Thare iz no stattue aginst joking, but thare ought tew be, not that I think a good joke iz criminal, but they are so scarce, they are suspicious. I am the last man who wants tew see enny real wit leave this world, for i think genuine wit, iz az good az religion. THE HONEST MAN. Honest men are skarse, and are a going tew be skarser. Thare grate scarsity iz what makes them valuable. If every boddy waz honest, the supply would ruin the demand. Honesty iz like money, a man haz tew work hard tew git it, and then work harder tew keep it. Adam waz the fust honest man we hav enny ackount ov, and hiz honesty want ov mutch ackount. You couldn’t put yure finger on Adam, for in the garden ov Eden, when he waz wanted, he couldn’t be found. Old deakon Skinner, ov lower Pordunk village, waz an honest man, he wouldn’t hunt for hen’s eggs on sunday, but he waz an awful cluss man, he set a hen once, on three eggs, just tew save eggs. PECULIAR ONES. THE SQUARE MAN. The square man meazzures the same each way, and haint got no wainny edges, nor shaky lumber in him. He is free from knots and sap, and won’t warp. He iz klear stuff, and I don’t kare what yu work him up into, he won’t swell, and he won’t shrink. [Illustration: PECULIAR ONES.] He is amungst men what good kil-dried boards are amung carpenters, he won’t season-krack. It don’t make enny difference which side ov him yu cum up to, he iz the same biggness each way, and the only way tew git at him, enny how, is tew face him. He knows he iz square, and never spends enny time trieing tew prove it. The square man iz one ov the best-shaped men the world haz ever produced, he iz one of them kind ov chunks that yu kant alter tew fit a spot, but yu must alter the spot tew fit him. THE OBLONG MAN. The oblong man alwus meazzures more one way than he duz the tuther, and yu have got tew meazzure him every time yu want tew use him. The shortest way ov him to-day may be the longest way to-morrow. He ain’t alwus a bad man by enny means, he iz often only unfortunate, and he haz been heard frequently tew say, that he iz sorry that he waz bilt so. Sum ov the smartest men in kreashun are oblong, and will fit most enny kind ov a spot with a very little altering. THE PERPINDIKLAR MAN. The perpindiklar man iz half-brother tew the square man, and iz az uprite az a lamp-post. He iz a dredful good kind ov a man tew hav laying around loose, and he haint got but one fault, or rather misfortin, and that iz, he is so stiff he kant dodge good. I don’t like tew see a man dodge everything, but thare are things in this world that are cheaper tew dodge than tew buk aginst.