He showed me whare Jim Buchanan killed the grate injun warrier, Tecumser, in a hand to-hand scuffle, which lasted three hours and seven minnits, during which time hiz own grand father held the watch, and he pointed out the tree that Major Andree waz hung on, and showed me the identical house in the distance whare Robert Burnes wrote the immortal ode tew hiz Highland Mary, and also the private residence, (and banking house) ov the Hon. John Morrisey, and probably would have shown me the Plymouth rock, whare our fore-fathers landed, if I had asked him to do it. But when i told him that John Morrisey had been dead more than fifteen years, he diskovered that i wan’t so green. He also offered tew sell me, for two dollars and fifty cents, a lock of auburn hair, from the young lady’s head who past, last spring, in high water, safely over the falls, seated on the round side ov a hemlock slab, playing “A life on the ocean wave” on a base vial. After the young man had guided me for one hour and a quarter, i paid him ten cents and dismisst him. He looked at me, and then at the size ov the money, az tho he thought we possibly might be twins. I told him that thare waz one thing that the Billings family waz a leetle partickular about, and that waz, in making the right change to a ded beat. Niagara is also fraught with most ov the rare curiositys thare iz now on the face ov the earth, every boddy haz got some miracle tew sell for two dollars and fifty cents. Yu kan git charms for a watch kee whitled out ov a rock that weighed sixty ton, and which fell four thousand feet, on the thirteenth ov last June, from table rock and waz picked up by a little boy at the water’s edge, who waz fishing for pickled crabs. It iz but a step, i hav been informed, from the sublime tew the ridikilus, and menny ov the residents at Niagara are familiar with the step. I kant think ov enny thing more intrinsically burlesque than tew be standing in the presence ov one ov the most imposing revelations of Nature on this footstool, and while rapt in fear and admirashun, and chastened az it were by the God ov Nature, tew hav a peddling imp ov humanity sacrilegisly disturb yure adorashun by thrusting in yure face a paltry piece ov petrified deadbeatery, and with all the nonchalence and impudence ov a cold buckwheat slapjack ask yu two dollars and fifty cents for what iz wuss than offal. In olden times the brokers and dove pedlars were hustled out ov the temple ov God, and it would be medicine tew me to see this great temple, made without hands, cleaned ov the two dollar and fifty cent vermin that infest it. SUM VERY BLANK VERSE--THE NEGRO AND THE TROUT.