I learned that the Falls belong now tew the United States and Great Brittain, about half-and-half; but i shouldn’t wonder if, sum time, the United States would own the whole ov it. Natur haz done the fair thing for Niagara, and man haz not been lazy. Thare waz one thing that happened tew me, while here, that will last me for mi lifetime, and when i git through with it will do to hand down tew mi posteritys without the danger ov spiling. The Americans had just finished a new suspension bridge, and hooked it onto the Canada side, just belo the Falls. This bridge iz thirteen hundred feet in length, only twelve feet wide, and about two hundred and fifty feet above the water, and iz four hundred feet longer than the rail-road bridge, three miles below. Thare had but one carriage yet crossed this bridge, and it being known that I waz connekted with the New York Weekly, every boddy waz anxious that I should go over. I took a seat, in an elegant turnout, got up for the occasion, my wife by mi side, and driven by Darby Sherman, a noted whip and ribbon handler ov the place, we started slowly over. We were the second pair ov mortals who had taken the dizzy ride. My wife grew dearer, and a good deal nearer tew me, az we progressed, and before we reached the Canada side, we were fairly one flesh. When we had seen her magisty’s soil, and safely recrost the flimsy span again, i am willing tew say i had suffered all the suspension bridge glory that i wanted. We were welcomed on our return tew the hotel, with open arms, and two hot lemonades, with a little old rye lurking in one ov them. I took mine without enny wry face, and whispered tew my soul, as the last swallow went reluctently down end ways, “suspension bridges may be a good risk tew take, but a hot lemonade whiskee iz better.” Thare iz one thing that Niagara don’t lack, whatever may be her moral defaults in other matters, and that iz _professional guides_. Upwards ov fifty different people waz anxious to guide me tew the strong points ov the place. One pale faced youth, more clamorous than the rest, with pattent leather boots, which had been new at the hight of the last summer seazon, but which had bekum seazon cracked and bulged severely at the roots ov each bigg toe, wanted tew guide me so mutch that i finally told him he might guide me sum if he would be keerful. During the time this innocent youth waz in mi company he told me more than 275 original and deeply interesting lies.