I think 2 minnits and 10 sekonds waz made, (if my memry serves me rite, and i think she duz.) I forgot tew say that thare was two yoke ov oxens on the ground, beside sevral yokes ov sheep and a pile ov carrots, and some worsted work, but they didn’t seem to attrakt enny simpathy. The people hanker fur pure agrikultural hoss-trots. OATS. Oats are a singular grain, perhaps I should say plural, bekauze thare iz more than one ov them. They gro on the top ov a straw, about two foot, 9 and one quarter inches hi, and the straw iz holler. This straw iz interesting for its sukshun. Short pieces ov it, about 8 inches, or so, dipt into the buzzum ov a sherry cobbler, will suckshun up the entire cobbler in 4 minnitts, bi the watch. I never hav tried this, but i kno lots ov young, and reliable men, who stand around reddy to prove this, if sum boddy will fetch on the cobbler. This suckshun iz sed tew be a ded sure thing. I hav been told bi a man, who iz a grate traveller, that in the game ov pharaoh, it iz the “splits” that win. If this iz true, (reasoning from analogy), I have thought that the splits in the straw mite be in favour ov the cobbler and agin the suckshun. But i aint certain ov this, in fakt i hav lost confidence in most everything, that haz to be proved, since i got so awfully dizzy, about four years ago, trieing to prove to the chaplain ov an engine company, that lager beer waz not intoxikating, but waz full sister to filtered rane water. If i had time i would relate more about this circumstanse, but i must git back onto oats agin. I like tew see a man stik tite tew hiz text, if he haz to bite into it to do it. I should have made a profitable minister az fur az staying with a text iz concerned, for when i git through with a text, yu kant work what’s left ov it into ennything else, not even a rag karpet. Speaking ov rag karpets, brings mi wife tew mi mind. Mi wife haz got a kind ov hidraphoby, or burning fever ov sum kind, for rag karpets in the rag, and i don’t have but one pair ov clothes at a time on this ackount, and theze i put to sleep, under mi pillo, at nite, when i go tew bed. She watches mi clothes just az cluss az a mule duz a bistander, and i hav told all ov mi best friends, if i am ever lost, and kant be found soon, they may look for me in mi wifes last roll of rag karpet. [Illustration] But for all this, i love mi wife with the affeckshun ov a parent, (she iz sevral years inferior to me in age,) and i had rather be rag karpeted bi her, than tew be honey fugled, with warm apple sass, bi enny other woman. But i must git back onto oats agin. Oats gro on the summit ov sum straw, and are sharp at both ends. They resemble shu pegs in looks, and build, and it iz sed, are often mistaken for them by near-sighted hosses and shumakers.