I dont intend this remark az enny derogativeness to shumakers in the lump, for i hav often sed, in mi inspired moments, if i couldn’t be a shumaker, i would like to be a good lawyer. Oats are a phuny grain, 8 quarts of them will make even a stage hoss laff, and when a stage hoss laffs, you may know he is tickled somewhare. This iz the natur ov oats as a beverage, they amuze the stummuck ov the hoss with their sharp ends, and then the hoss laffs. I hav never saw a hoss laff, but i hav heard that it could be did. Thare iz a grate menny folks, ov good moral karakter, who wont believe enny thing unless they kan see it, theze kind of folk are always the eazyest to cheat. They wont beleave a rattle snaiks bight iz pizon untill they tri it, this kind of informashun alwus kosts more than it iz aktually worth. It iz a middling wize man who proffits bi hiz own experience, but it iz a good deal wizer one, who lets the rattle-snaik bight the other phellow. The Goddess ov korn iz also the the Goddess ov oats, and barley, and bukwheat. Her name iz Series, she is a mithological woman, and like menny wimmen now a daze, she iz hard tew lokate. Theze mithology men, and wimmin, work well enuff in poetry, whare a good deal ov lieing dont hurt the sense, but when you cum right down to korn in the ear, or oats in the bundle, all the gods and goddesses in the world, kant warrent a good crop. It takes labor tew raize oats, and thrash them out, but ov all the lazy cusses that hav pestered the earth, since Adam waz a boy, the gods, and goddesses, hav always been too lazy to swet. Enny being who haint never swet, dont kno what he iz worth. I would like to see a whole parcell ov theze gods, and goddesses, in a harvest field, reaping lodged oats, in the month of August, they couldn’t earn their pepper-sass. Oats are sold bi weight or mezzure, and are seldum (or perhaps i may say in confidence never) sold by count. Eggs, and money, are counted out, but oats never. It would be well for nu beginners to remember this, it would save them a good deal of time on every hundred bushels ov oats. Time iz sed tew be the same az money, if this iz positively so, Methuseler died ritch. Methuseler waz exackly 999 years old when he died, now multipli this bi 365, which would only be allowing him a dollar a day for hiz time, and yu will find just what he waz worth. Oats are worth from 40, to 75 cents a bushel, ackording tew their price, and aint good for mutch, only tew tickle a hoss. They will choke a goose to deth quicker than a paper of pins, and enny thing that will choke a goose to deth (i mean on the internal side ov their thrut) iz, to say the least ov it, very skarse. Speaking ov a goose, i hav found out at last what makes them so tuff, it iz staying out so mutch in the cold. I found this out all alone by miself. Oats are a very eazy krop tew raize.