Ans.--When a man sets down a poor umbrella and takes up a good one he makes a mistake, but when he sets down a good umbrella and takes up a poor one he makes a blunder. Qu.--If i couldn’t hav but one thing, what dew yu think it would be? Ans.--Kontentment, for with that i could buy awl the rest. Qu.--Which do yu think iz the best representative man, the lively or the sorry Christian? Ans.--Thare aint nothing in mi praktiss so hard tew judge ov az pius heft, but i don’t think the Lord ever takes the length of a man’s face for a suit of heavenly clothes; he measures the soul. Qu.--What iz the best cure for love? Ans.--Tew liv on it. Qu.--What iz the best cure for pride? Ans.--A fall on the ice before folks. Qu.--What iz a sik old bachelor like? Ans.--A cocoon. Qu.--What iz an excuse? Ans.--The finesse ov reason. Qu.--What iz the difference between Saratoga and Long Branch? Ans.--At Saratoga it iz to go in full dress; at Long Branch it iz to undress and go in. Qu.--Where do the vain go tew when they die? Ans.--A barber’s shop. LONG BRANCH, SARATOGA, AND LAKE GEORGE. Theze three places are wet spots. I visited them all during the past seazon, and kant be mistaken about this. Upon my arrival at Long Branch, i commenced at once tew drink the water, but it did not answer mi expektashun. I like lemonade, and milk puntch, and sum sider, but mineral water aint mi fort. I think the water at Long Branch iz too psalt. I noticed that most ov the people went out into the water sum ways from the shore, the water may taste more fresh out thare. I laid down on mi flat stummuk, cluss tew the edge ov the water, and drank sum. [Illustration: LONG BRANCH, SARATOGA, AND LAKE GEORGE.] But the folks that waz out in the water got on a frolik, and pushed the water into the shore so mutch that it went all over me. This waz looked upon az kussid smart, and every boddy laffed. I did not see enny thing phunny in it, and so i didn’t laff. The water at Long Branch iz verry plenty, and will last for menny years to cum, if they are saving ov it. They told me that the water at Long Branch waz good for the fidgit, and the conipshun. I think if the water waz strained, and the mineral got out ov it, i might worry down sum ov it. I took a jug ov the water home, and tried it on mi aunt, who haz a fidgit once in a while, but she didn’t hanker for it but once. I sent a vial ov it tew our minister, and the next Sunday hiz text waz, “if psalt has lost its saver, whare shall it be psalted.” While i waz at Long Branch i think thare waz more than a millyun ov people cum and went, and i didn’t hear one ov them find enny phalt with the taste ov the water. I shall go down thare next spring early, and stay thare till i learn how tew like the water. While at Long Branch i put up at the Continental hotel, which iz handy to the water.