What an awful thing it would be if this Grecian _Bend_ should refuse tew let go its holt, by-and-by, when sum nu crook in sum other part ov the boddy should hump itself! What a lot ov unsaleable females we should hav thrust on the market! I am in favour ov enny fashion that iz not an open insult tew natur, but i kant bear tew see natur hit in the small ov the back; it iz a cowardly blow on an aimabel critter, whose greatest pleasure iz tew harm noboddy. KOLIDING. The wurd “kolide,” used bi ralerode men, haz an indefinit meaning tew menny folks. Thru the kindness of a nere and dear frend, i am able tew translate the wurd so that enny man kan understand it at onst. The term “kolide” is used tew explain the sarkumstanse ov 2 trains ov cars triing tew pass each uther on a single trak. [Illustration: TEW LATE FUR THE TRANE.] It is ced that it never yet haz bin did suckcessfully, hence a “kolide.” JOSH BILLINGS. * * * * * Amerikans love caustick things; they would prefer turpentine tew colone-water, if they had tew drink either. So with their relish of humor; they must hav it on the half-shell with cayenne. An Englishman wants hiz fun smothered deep in mint sauce, and he iz willing tew wait till next day before he tastes it. If you tickle or convince an Amerikan yu hav got tew do it quick. An Amerikan luvs tew laff, but he don’t luv tew make a bizzness ov it; he works, eats, and hawhaws on a canter. I guess the English hav more wit, and the Amerikans more humor. We havn’t had time, yet, tew bile down our humor and git the wit out ov it. Having herd mutch sed about skating parks, and the grate amount ov helth and muscle they woz imparting tew the present generashun at a slite advanse from fust cost, i bought a ticket and went within the fense. I found the ice in a slippery condishun, covering about 5 akers ov artifishall water, which waz owned bi a stock company, and froze tew order. Upon one side ov the pond waz erekted little grosery buildings, where the wimmen sot on benches while the fellers (kivvered with blushes) hitched the magick iron tew their feet. It waz a most exsiting scene: the sun waz in the skey--and the wind waz in the air--and the birds were in the South--and the snow waz on the ground--and the ice lay shivering with a bad kold--and angells (ov both genders) flucktuated past me pro and con, 2 and fro, here a little and thare a good deal. It waz a most exsiting scene; I wanted tew holler “Bully” or lay down and rool over. But i kept in, and aked with glory. Helth waz piktured on menny a nobell brow. Az the femail angells put out ov the pond, side by side with the male angells, it waz the most powerfull scene i ever stood behind. The long red tape from their necks swum in the breeze, and the feathers in their jockeys fluttered in the breeze and other things (tew mutch to menshun) fluttered in the breeze.