5. If a yung man kan beat yu playing on a pianner, and kant hear a fish-horn playing in the street without turning a back summersett on account ov the musick that iz in him, i say, skip him; he might answer tew tend babe, but if yu sett him tew hoeing out the garden, yu will find that yu hav got tew do it yureself. A man whoze whole heft lies in musick (and not very hefty at that), ain’t no better for a husband than a seedlitz powder; but if he luvs tew listen while yu sing sum gentle ballad, yu will find him mellow, and not soft. But don’t marry enny boddy for jist one virtew enny quicker than yu would flop a man for jist one fault. 6. It iz one of the most tuffest things for a female tew be an old maid successfully. A great menny haz tried it, and made a bad job ov it. Evryboddy seems tew look upon old maids jist az they do upon dried harbs--in the garret, handy for sickness--and, tharefore, girls, it aint a mistake that yu should be willing tew swop yurself oph, with some true phellow, for a hussband. The swop iz a good one; but don’t swop for enny man who iz respektabel jist bekause his father iz. You had better be an old maid for 4 thousand years, and then join the Shakers, than tew buy repentance at this price. No woman ever made this trade who didn’t git either a phool, a mean cuss, or a clown for a hussband. 7. In digging down into his subject, i find the digging grows harder the further i git. It iz mutch easier tew inform yu who not tew marry, than who tew, for the reason thare iz more ov them. I don’t think yu will foller mi advise, if i giv it; and, tharefore, i will keep it; for i look upon advise as i do upon castor ile--a mean dose tew giv, and a mean dose tew take. But i must say one thing, girls, or spile. If you kan find a bright-eyed, healthy, and well-ballasted boy, who looks upon poverty az sassy az a child looks upon wealth--who had rather sit down on the curb-stun, in front ov the 5th avenue hotel, and eat a ham sandwitch, than tew go inside, and run in debt for hiz dinner and toothpick--one who iz armed with that kind ov pluck, that mistakes a defeat for a victory, mi advise is tew take him boddy and soul--snare him at onst, for he iz a stray trout, or a breed very skase in our waters. Take him i say, and bild onto him, az hornets bild on to a tree. PRIVATE OPINYUNS. Mi private opinyun iz--that politeness iz about the only profeshion ov humans that i endorse without looking into. Mi private opinyun iz--that the man who cheats me, iz a good deal mi inferior. Mi private opinyun of _Fame_ iz--that it konsists in being praized wrongfully while yu liv, and being damd inkorektly when yu are ded, and the very best it kan do for enny man, iz tew make him respektably forgotten. Mi private opinyun iz--that a bad joke, iz like a bad eg, all the wuss for being cracked. Mi private opinyun iz--that manufaktring phun for other pholks amusement, iz like hatching out egs, a sober, stiddy bizzness.