Take an eel, about six feet in length, and about one feet in wideness, (git a lively eel if possibel); skin the eel lengthways from hed to foot, and stuff the skin with pulvarized gutty perchy, and equal parts ov merino wool; seazon with Scotch snuff and asserfedity, hang it up bi the tail in a Duch grosery for 4 months, for the flies tew giv it the trade marks; it iz then awl reddy for use, and kan be cut up into right lengths, and sold for police clubs. This kind ov sarsidge iz the only one who took a gold medal at the Paris imposition. “_Pharaoh._”--It iz an actewal fackt that most ov us work harder, tew seem happy, than we should have to, to be happy. “_Pedro._”--Before yu buy the hoss yu speak ov, look him over cluss, but don’t examin him much afterward, for fear yu may cum across sumthing that yu are looking after. This iz a good rule tew foller when yu take a wife. “_Pontoon._”--The principal art in flying a kite iz tew git the tail the right heft; tew mutch tail to things iz jist what haz spilte a whole parcel ov clever kites. “_Palmer._”--Early impreshions are like the dews on the young flowers, soon dried off, but what the fragrance iz made of. “_Pinchback._”--Don’t beleave more than half that yu hear, rumor haz got rising ov 600 toungs, and can lie faster with each one of them than Dexter can trot to an anatomy waggon. “_Palmer_.”--In reply to yure kind and numerous letter, i am happy tew state that mi age iz a profound sekret, but i waz born in the old-fashioned way in the old ov the moon, am long, but crooked, don’t beleaf in speerits (not even Jamaka speerits;) am married, or waz twenty years ago, and hav every reazon to beleave that I am now; hav never raized enny boys to mi knowledge, on account ov their liability tew git out ov repair; hav turned mi attenshion tew girl children; hav two ov that specie, one ov whom iz now boarding with a yung feller; mi hair iz black, and quite tall behind; i wear a mustash, and number 10 pegged boots; hav a sangunary temperament, and a billyus noze; eat az other folks do, except roasted gooze; roasted gooze iz not one ov mi weaknesses, I kan eat two ov them, and then take a little more ov that are goose; I work for mi bread and roast goose; hav a grey eye, and am alwus az reddy tew wag az the next dog--this iz me. I forgot to state that I waz brought up by a Presbeterian Church in Massachusetts, and am a good job. A LOOSE BILT EPISTLE. DEAR Brigham:--Excuse this peripatetick letter. I am a vagrant, and a wanderer on the trail ov literature, and write letters in a rekless, hap-hazard way. I want harnessed young enuff tew be kind in all harness. [Illustration: DIDN’T KNOW HIS WASHERWOMAN.]