There iz no danger in turning a snaik loose; even before he gits fairly haired out, natur teaches him tew make his fust wiggle a correct pattern for hiz last one. She makes him a snaik from the word “go,” and nothing else, and if he takes a noshun tew go tew the devil--who cares? But ov all the most deplorabel luck that kan be the inheritance ov a camphene boy, i don’t kno ov a more dangerous one than tew be hiz own master, or the master ov hiz daddy. I hav known sum ov theze excentricks that Satan couldn’t ketch, who hav dodged him suckcessfully for the whole ov their lives, but i kan tell you, mi dear boys, it is no credit tew match yourselfs against the devil, even if you hav a ded soft thing. This beating the devil at his own game, is like surviving the small pox, it may make yu proff agin sum more small pox, but yu are sure tew show sum ov the dents. Dear Brigham, theze remarks are not intended tew be personal, they wouldn’t fit yu enny more than a side-saddle would fit the back stretch ov a trottin track, for i know yu hav bin broke tew stand without tieing. SHORT REPLYS. DEAR Alice.--I kno nothing about musik. I dont kno this tune from the other. I dont kno “Yankee doodle” from “Now I lay me on the grass,” or “Mary had an infant sheep.” I am unkommon sorry for this, but dont think that i am to blame for it. I hav melody in me sumwhare, for enny boddy kan make me kry if they are kareful. I love the tender az i do a rare boiled egg. I hav shed menny a tear, without enny boddy knoing it, over some mother’s catch, or simple lulaby. But this iz kalled mere weakness by the artistiks. I hav seen wimmin in opera, and also hav seen them in fits, and prefer the fits, for then i kno what tew do for them. Yu must git sum proffessor ov musik tew answer yure letter, for i don’t kno enny more about klassikal musik than i do about being a mother-in-law. Theze are two very hard things tew komprehend. I understand all about ice kream, and if yu ever kum down our way, we will hav a bowl ov it together. It dont seem tew require enny branes tew luv ice kream, and i dont kno az it duz tew luv musik. * * * * * _Pensive Rebekker._--I got yure letter bi mistake, for the letter yu sent me, yu wrote for the other phellow. I am only sorry on the other phellow’s ackount, for yure deskripshun ov him, which i should hav received, may worry him. It don’t hurt my pheelings tew be called a “_pokey dunce_.” I never waz mutch ov a favourite, not even with miself, and often think i am what yu kall me, a “_strapping monster_.” Dont let this little mistake on yure part worry yu, for i luv frankness, and think just az mutch ov yu az i did before. _Artless Jane._--In repli tew yure long letter, i will state promptly, I kant see enny objekshuns tew yure lover kissing yu, not if yu want tew hav him. Theze things are all regulated by the law ov _supply_ and _demand_.