I think faith iz a better artikle than pashunce. Faith sumtimes iz an evidence ov brains, and pashunce quite often iz only numbness, but i don’t thinkin these smoothe shod times it iz best to have too mutch capital invested in either ov them. But i am out ov the road. I must git back onto biles agin. If a fellow begins tew wander, and git out ov the straight and narrow path, it is curious how quick he will begin to go to the----. Biles are very sassy; sumtimes when yer go to set down, they will get between yer and the chair; this iz one evidence ov their ill-breeding, and i had one once plant herself on the frunt end of mi nose, which was a most remarkabel piece ov bad manners, for there iz no room on mi noze ennywhere fora bile, for when it iz even ebb tide with mi noze, it covers half ov mi face. Biles are sed tew be helthy, and i guess they am, for i hav seen sum helthy old biles, az big az a hornet’s nest, and az full ov stings. I always want to be helthy--i am willing tew pay the highest market price for a good deal ov helthy--but if i had to hav 2 biles on me, awl the time, in order to be helthy, i should think that i was bulling the market. There iz one more smart thing about biles; they are like twins; they hardly ever cum singly, and i hav known them to throw double sixes. What! twelve biles on one man at a time! This is wus than fighting bumblebees with your summer clothes on. Biles are sed, by the edukated and correkt spellers ov the land, to be an operashun ov natur tew git rid ov sumthing which she wants to spare. This is so without doubt, but it don’t strike me az being a very polite thing in natur, tew shov oph her biles onto other folks. I say, let evry boddy take care ov their own biles. But say aul yer kan about biles, call them all the mean names current amung fishmungers, revile and persecute, and spit on them, groan, grin and swear when they visit yer, hit them over the head and set on them if yer pleaze, there iz a time in their career when they concentrate aul the pathos ov joy that a man haz on hand to spare, and that iz--when they bust! [Illustration: CONSULTING YOUR DOCTOR ON BILES.] This iz bliss, glory, and revenge on the haff shell. A man leans back in rektified comfort, az innocent and az limber az a mermaid. This pays for the fretful nights and nervous days while the bile haz been hatching. Exit Biles. TIGHT BOOTS. I would jist like to kno who the man waz who fust invented _tite boots_. He must hav bin a narrow and kontrakted kuss. If he still lives, i hope he haz repented ov hiz sin, or iz enjoying grate agony ov sum kind. I hav bin in a grate menny tite spots in mi life, but generally could manage to make them average; but thare iz no sich thing az making a pair of tite boots average. Enny man who kan wear a pair ov tite boots, and be humble, and penitent, and not indulge profane literature, will make a good husband.