The mail lam when he arrives at hiz majority iz called a ram. The lam iz kivvered from childhood with a softe coating called wool, from whitch cloth iz sed to be made, and also from whitch yarn iz sed to be spun. There iz a grate deal ov yarn spun in this world that has no wool in it; theze yarns are called phibs. Phibs are not konsidered feroshus. A phib iz a lie painted in water kullers. Thare haz been more phibs in market since the formashun ov man than thare haz been truth. Phibs are often ingenious, sometimes quite pretty, but are alwus dangerous. Phibs are sumtimes a grate deal more plauzable than truth. Look out for them. Phibbers hav been known tew bekum liars, just az hot lemonade drinkers, with a leetle port wine in it just for effekt, hav been known tew bekum our most reliable whiskee drinkers. THE DUV. The duv iz the lam amung birds. They are az harmless az a dandy lion. They don’t do enny hard work, but eat oats and bill and coo. They luv each other like a nu married kupple. The duv alwus hav a good appetight; they will eat from dalite tew dark and seem tew be sorry they didn’t eat sum more. They are a long lived burd, and like the bumble bee, are the biggest when they are born. I never knu a duv tew la down, and di ov old age. They are very thrifty, they will inkrease phaster than the multiplikashun table. They are like the meazles, if yu hav them at all, yu hav got tew hav a good menny ov them. The duv haz existed a long time, and was one ov Noahs pets, when he sailed. The fust duv he sent out ov the ark brought bak an olive branch, and the next time he sent her out, she didn’t bring bak enny thing. She even forgot tew cum bak herself. Noah had but one pair ov each breed ov duvs in the ark, and the one he sent out, and the one he had on hand, must hav found each other, this explains the lov, and effekshun, ov the duv. The duv iz more ornamental than useful. They are too inosent tew be very useful. Sumtimes too mutch inosense interferes with bizzness. I hav known half a dozen duvs tew git into a pie together, and make themselves useful for a fu minnitts. I don’t hate duv pies. The duv hav alwuss been a kard tew define inosense. The bible tells us, “to be az wize az a sarpent, _but harmless_ as a duv.” This iz fust rate advice, but it means live bizzness. Enny boddy who iz az wise az a sarpent, kan afford tew be az harmless az a duv. The rite mixtur ov duv and sarpient in a man’s natur iz a good dose. If a man haz got too much snaik in him, he iz liable tew overdo things, and if he haz got too mutch duv in him, he aint apt tew cook things enuff. The duv iz a homemade kritter; they are as effeckshionate as a cockroach iz. The nearer they kan liv tew whare man duz, the more they are apt tew do it.