This iz what i call running science into the ground. The fakt ov it iz, that theorys, ov all kind, work well, except in praktiss: they are too often designed tew do the work ov praktiss. Thare aint no theory in brakeing a mule, only tew go at him, with a klub in yure hand, and sum blood in yure eye, and brake him, just as yu would split a log. What i kno about pharming, aint wuth mutch enny how, but I undertook teu brake a kicking heifer once. I read a treatiss on the subjekt, and phollowed the direkshuns cluss, and got knokt endwaze, in about 5 minnits. I then sot down, and thought the thing over. I made up mi mind that the phellow who wrote the treatiss waz more in the treatiss bizzness than he waz in the kicking heifer trade. I cum tew the konklushun that what he knu about milking kiking heifers, he had larnt by leaning over a barn yard fence, and writing the thing up. I got up from my reflekshuns strengthened, and went for that heifer. I will draw a veil over the language i used, and the things i did, but i went in to win, _and won_. That heifer never bekum a cow. This iz one way tew brake a kicking heifer, and after a man haz studdyed all the books in kreashun on the subjek, and tried them on, he will fall back onto mi plan, and make up hiz mind, az i did, that a kicking heifer iz wuth more for beef than she iz for theoretick milk. I hav worked on a pharm just long enuff tew kno that thare iz no prayers so good for poor land az manure, and no theory kan beat twelve hours each day, (sundaze excepted) of honest labour applied tew the sile. I am an old phashioned phellow, and hartily hate most nu things, bekauze i hav bin beat bi them so often. I never knu a pharm that waz worked pretty mutch by theory, but what waz for sale, or to let, in a fu years, and i never knu a pharm that waz worked by manure, and muscle, on the good old ignorant way ov our ansestors, but what waz handed down, from father to son, and alwus waz noted for razing brawny armed boys, and buxom lasses, and fust rate potatoze. What i kno about pharmin, iz nothing but experiense, and experiense, (now daze,) aint wuth a kuss. I had rather hav a good looking theory, tew ketch flats with, than the experiense--even ov Methuseler. Experiense iz a good thing tew lay down and die with, but yu kant do no big bizzness with it, (now daze,) it aint hot enuff. Giv me a red hot humbug, and i kan make most ov the experiense, in this world ashamed ov itself. QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS. Qu.--Did you ever see an old horce, holler-eyed and bony, limp-legged and pur-blind, kivvered with a gold-plated harniss and waited upon by a spruce postillion, and a liveryed coachman? Ans.--Yes i hav, and i hav seen old age put on pomposity, hobble in brocade, command reverance, exult with pride and grin with pain, and i hav sed tew myself “poor old hoss.” Qu.--Did yu ever hear phools, and even wise men say that life waz short, that deth waz certain, that happiness waz skase?