Grate thinkers are not apt tew be good whisslers, in fakt, when a man kant think ov nothing, then he begins tew whissell. We seldom see a raskal who iz a good whissler, thare iz a grate deal ov honor bright, in a sharp, well puckered whissell. Good whisslers are gitting skarse, 75 years ago they waz plenty, but the desire tew git ritch, or tew hold offiss, haz took the pucker out ov this honest, and cheerful amuzement. If i had a boy, who couldn’t whissell, i don’t want tew be understood, that i should feel at liberty, tew giv the boy up for lost, but i would mutch rather he would kno how tew whissell fust rate, than to kno how tew play a seckond rate game ov kards. I wouldn’t force a boy ov mine tew whissell agin his natral inclinashun. Wimmin az a kind, or in the lump, are poor whizzlers, i don’t kno how i found this out, but i am glad ov it, it iz a good deal like crowing in a hen. Crowing iz an unladylike thing in a hen tew do. I hav often heard hens tri tew cro, but i never knu one tew do herself justiss. A rooster kan krow well, and a hen kan kluk well, and i sa let each one ov them stik tew their trade. Klucking iz jist az necessary in this wurld az crowing espeshily if it iz well did. But i want it well understood that i am the last man on reckord who would refuse a woman a chance tew whissell if she waz certain she had the right pucker for it. I never knu a good whissler but what had a good constitushun. Whissling iz compozed ov pucker and wind, and these two accomplishments denote vigor. Sum people alwus whissell whare thare iz danger--this they do to keep the fraid out ov them. When i waz a boy i alwus konsidered whissling the next best thing to a kandle to go down cellar with in the nite time. The best whisslers i hav ever heard hav bin amung the negroes (i make this remark with the highest respekt to the accomplishments ov the whites), i hav herd a south karoliny darkey whissell so natral that a mocking-bird would drop a worm out ov hiz bill and talk back to the nigger. I dont want enny better evidence ov the general honesty thare iz in a whissell than the fackt that thare aint nothing which a dog will answer quicker than the wissell ov hiz master, and dogs are az good judges ov honesty az enny kritters that live. It iz hard work to phool a dog once, and it iz next to impossible to phool him the sekond time. I aint afraid to trust enny man for a small amount who iz a good whissler. I wouldn’t want to sell him a farm on credit, for i should expekt to hav to take the farm back after awhile and remove the mortgage miself. Yu cant whissell a mortgage oph from a farm. A fust rate whissler iz like a middling sized fiddler, good for nothing else, and tho whissling may keep a man from gitting lonesum, it wont keep him from gitting ragged.