The buro haz three legs, and one brick. The glass to the buro swings on two pivots, which hav lost their grip. Thare iz one towel on the rack, thin, but wet. The rain water in the pitcher cum out ov the well. The soap iz az tuff tew wear az a whetstone. The soap iz scented with cinnamon ile, and variagated with spots. Thare iz three chairs, kane setters, one iz a rocker, and all three are busted. Thare iz a match-box, empty. Thare iz no kurtin to the windo, and thare don’t want to be any, yu kant see out, and who kan see in? The bel rope iz cum oph about 6 inches this side ov the ceiling. The bed iz a modern slat bottom, with two mattrasses, one cotton, and one husk, and both harder, and about az thick az a sea biskitt. Yu enter the bed sideways and kan feel evry slat at once az eazy az yu could the ribs ov a grid iron. The bed iz inhabited. Yu sleep sum, but rool over a good deal. For breakfast you have a gong, and rhy coffee too kold to melt butter, fride potatoze which resemble the chips a two inch auger makes in its journey through an oak log. Bread solid, beef stake about az thik az a blister plaster, and so tuff az a hound’s ear. Table covered with plates, a few scared to death pickles on one ov them, and 6 fly endorsed crackers on another. A pewterinktom caster with three bottles in it, one without enny pepper in it, one without enny mustard, and one with two inches ov drowned flies, and vinegar in it. Servant gall, with hoops on, hangs around you earnestly, and wants to know if yu will take another cup ov coffee. Yu say “_No mom, i thank yu_,” and push back yure chair. Yu haven’t eat enuff tew pay for picking yure teeth. * * * * * I am about az selfconsaited az it will do for a man to be and not crack open, but i never yet consaited that i could keep a hotel, i had rather be a hiwayman than to be sum landlords i have visited with. Thare are hotels that are a joy upon earth, where a man pays hiz bill az cheerfully az he did the parson who married him, whare yu kant find the landlord unless yu hunt in the kitchen, whare servants glide around like angels ov mercy, whare the beds fit a man’s back like the feathers on a goose, and whare the vittles taste just az tho yure wife, or yure mother had fried them. Theze kind ov hotels ought tew be bilt on wheels and travel around the country; they are az phull ov real cumfort az a thanksgiving pudding, but alass! yes, alass! they are az unplenty az double-yelked eggs. LAFFING. Anatomikally konsidered, laffing iz the sensashun ov pheeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot. Morally konsidered, it iz the next best thing tew the 10 commandments. Philosophikally konsidered, it beats Herrick’s pills 3 pills in the game. Theoretikally konsidered, it kan out-argy all the logik in existence. Analitikally konsidered, enny part ov it iz equal tew the whole. Konstitushionally konsidered, it iz vittles and sumthing tew drink.