Dont do it but jist once, and then be kind ov sorry for it afterwards. Menny people will wonder and worry whare the moral cums in, in this sketch, and it is hard tew tell; but i will venture to say that thare aint a prominent moralist in Amerika but has picked out his watermellon by this resipee, sumtime during his life, and will tell you that he remembers favourably the spirit ov adventure that promted the undertaking, and never kan forgit the sober sense ov shame that followed it. HOW TEW PIK OUT A DOG. Dogs are gitting dredful skase, and if yu dont pik one out putty soon, it will be forever too late. I hav written during my yunger days, when I knu a good deal more than i do now, or ever shal kno agin, an essa onto dogs, and in that essa i klaimed that the best kind ov a dog for all purposes for a man tew hav was a wodden dog. The experience ov years don’t seem tew change mi opinyun, and i now, az then, reckomend the wodden dog. Dogs, az a genral thing, are ornamental, and the wodden dog kan be made hily so, after enny pattern or desighn that a kultivated taste may suggest. If the wodden dog iz made with the bark on, so mutch the better; for we are told bi thoze who studdy sich things that dogs which bark never bight. Wodden dogs never stra away three or four times a year, like flesh and blood dogs do, and don’t kost 5 or 10 dollars reward each time tew make them cam bak hum agin. Wodden dogs don’t hav the old hydrophobiskiousness; neither are they running round, and round, and round, and round after them selfs, trieing tew ketch up with a wicked flea, who iz bizzily engaged knawing away at the dog’s--continuashun. Thare ain’t no better watch dog in the world than the wodden one. Yu set them tew watching enny thing, they will watch it for 3 years, and they aint krazy, and want tew jump thru a window in a minnit, if they just happen tew hear a boy out in the streets whissling “_Yankee Doodle_” or “_Sally Cum Up_.” Wodden dogs won’t stretch themselfs out in front ov the fire place, taking up all the hot room, nor they won’t fly at a harmless old beggar man, who only wants a krust, and tare him all tew little bits in a minnitt. If yu want tew pik out a good dog, pik out a wodden one, they range in price, all the way from 10 cents tew a dollar ackording tew the lumber in them, old age don’t make them kross and useless, and if they do happen tew loze, a hed, or a leg, in sum skrimmage, a dose ov Spaldings glu, taken at night, jist before they retire will fetch them out all strait, in the morning. HOW TEW PIK OUT A KAT. The hardest thing, in every day life, iz tew pik out a good kat, not bekause kats are so skase, az bekauze they are so plenty. If thare want but 2 kats on earth, thare wouldn’t be no trouble, yu would pik one and the other phellow would pik one, and that would end the contest.