They dont have enny eyes, but see with their ears, and kan see more
without seeing anything, than enny rat in amerika.
How a meddo mole kan see with their ears iz one ov naturs misterys, and
natur luvs misterys, it iz the misterys ov natur that makes mankind
respektful.
If natur showed all the kards she held in her hand most enny boddy would
think they could beat her.
But natur makes us guess at about one-half we know, and then laffs at
us, in her sleeve, bekauze we dont git it right.
I dont kno whether meddo moles are an accredited artikle ov diet or not,
i never hav seen their names registered on enny bill of fare, in our
grate hotels spelt in english, but thare iz so mutch meat fixings with
french, and dutch names on the bills, that they may be thar.
I dont kno how meddo moles are spelt in dutch.
A meddo mole mite eat fust rate in dutch, and be kussid common vittles
in english.
THE POSSUM.
The possum iz a fello ov the Southern and Western States. He owns a
sharp noze, a keen eye, a lean head, a phat boddy, and a poor tail.
He enjoys roots, chickens, grass, eggs, green korn, and little mice, and
eats what he steals, and steals what he eats.
Hiz boddy is kivvered with a hairy kind ov phur, ov a dirty white
complexion; hiz feet and fingers resemble the rackoon, hiz ears are a
trifle smaller than the mules, and hiz tail iz az round az an eel, and
az free from capilliaryness as the snaiks stummuk.
The possum’s tail bothers me. I hav looked at it bi the hour; i hav
studdyed it, and tried tew parse it; i hav figgered on it az cluss az i
would a proposishun in Euklid; i hav hung over it az fondly az a kemist;
i hav fretted and wondered, hav got mad, wept and swore, and kant tell
to this day whi a possum should hav a hairless caudel.
If some philosophik mind, out ov a present job, will explain this tale
to me, and sho me the mercy ov it, i will explain to him, free from
cost, the pucker ov the persimmon, or the vital importance thare iz in
being bolegged, two misterys which are only known to the Billings
family.
The possum iz a lonesum and joyless vagabond, living just near enuff to
the smoke ov a chimbly tew pick up a transient goslin or a ten dollar
bill, or ennything else that aint stuck fast.
Thare iz only one man in this visionary world who seems tew hav an
affinity, ov a moral natur, for the possum, and that iz a darkey. They
are the nigger’s poultry and roast lamb.
The possum, in poor condishun, is az phull ov phatt as a tallo kandle in
the month ov august, but having et possum miself, and biled awl from
necessity, i am full ov the opinyun that between the two mi choice would
be never agin to take either.
Possums alwus hav twins when they hav ennything, and sumtimes an extra
one, and they suckle their yung on an entire different principal from
the goose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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