Their skins are a subject of traffick, and are worth in market from nine
to ten cents a piece, provided the tail is amputated. A possum’s tail iz
not only worthless, but iz a damage to any enterprizing man.
Theze skins are colored and made into mink muffs, and sold for
twenty-five dollars a head, tew thoze whoze early edukashun has bin
neglekted.
Thare iz only one thing about a possum’s skin different from a hoss
hide, they don’t shed their hair, evry hair is drove in and clinched on
tuther side.
Possum’s hav butiful white natral teeth, and their mouth iz az full ov
them az a kow hide boot iz ov shu pegs.
But say what yu will about theze comick geniuses ov natur, they hav got
two things that they own and no other animul, feathered, or hairy,
possesses them so mutch.
I mean tuffness and cunning.
If a possum thinks he kant reach hiz hole, in the hollo ov the tree, tew
eskape a wandering dog or a stray nigger, he lays himself down level on
the opposite side ov hiz belly, and dies az ded az a two dollar watch.
The dog will smell ov hiz corpse and pass on, the nigger will rool him
over, pheal ov hiz phatt, and konkluding that “dis possum hab been
eating pizen;” take him by the tail and send him buzzing into a brush
heep.
Many a possum haz saved hiz life, and hiz phatt, bi thus loozeing it.
I hav often killed them with a klub, sufficiently dead enuff tew bury,
and hiding behind a tree, fur a fu minnitts, hav seen them born agin,
and sneak oph into the underbrush.
If thare iz enny boddy who don’t beleave this i don’t care, i only write
what i know, and don’t hold miself liable for other folks’ ignorance.
Possum grease and hoe kake, in equal parts, will phatt a nigger in 60
days, and make hiz face glisten like a piece ov pattent leather.
If the possum only had hare on the tail i could account for him fully,
but this lack ov the hirsute attachment bothers me.
I think now i would giv ten dollars tew be made well on this subjeckt.
Altho the possum dies hard, he lives eazy, and i might az well own it,
forever, for i have spent a great quantity ov mi life surrounded by
possums and other historick vermin, and never heard only ov acksident
death in the possum family.
The muskrat and the possum hav similar tales, but the muskrat steers
himself with hiz while bathing, but the possum never bathes in ennything
but chicken blood.
The studdy ov natur iz a good risk to take, and will make sum men az
phull ov knowledge az an unabridged Webster’s spellin book, while thare
iz others that natur nor ennyboddy else haint bin able tew edukate yet.
THE CURSID MUSKETO.
Dear ----:--Yure letter kame safe unto hand last nite bi mail, and i
hurry tew repli.
The best musketers now in market are raised near Bergen point, in the
dominion ov Nu Jersey.
They gro thare verry spontaneous, and the market for them iz verry
unstiddy--the grate supply injures the demand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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