The fust snaix, we hav enny ackount ov much, waz the devil, surnamed bellyzebubb, who wiggled his way into the Garden of Eden, and without a single trump in hiz hand, beat our two original ansesstors, out ov joy inneffible, and glory halleluyer forever, and gave them in exchange for it sorrow without stint, and wo unutterabel. This was an unkommon poor trade for the human family. All snaiks are sneaks, and steal around on their slippry stummuks, az still, and greazy, az lamp ile. Snaix kant stand the enkroachments ov civilizashun, the seed ov the woman iz alwus after them with a long pole, and a man, post haste for a doktor, will alwuss dismount, and hich hiz animile hoss, tew put an extra hed onto a snaix. This kind ov treatment has alwus made snaiks raizing a dredful risky bizzness teu follow. Out ov one thousand snaixs born annually, the staytisstix sho 930 ov them die in a grate hurry, espeshily whare churches and school houses flourish. I don’t kno ov a more unhelthy spot in the world for a snaix teu settle down and undertaik teu bring up a family than near a distrikt school house. Let enny body just holler “_striped snaix_” once, near a distrikt school house, and you will see the snaix begin teu paddle, and the young ones begin tew bile out like hornets out ov their nest, and proceed for that snaix like a flok of young turkeys for a Junebug. Striped snaiks are about two feet and one haff in length, and about one inch in diameter, and “thareby hangs a tail.” THE BLUE RACER. The blue racer is a Western snaik, about 6 feet in length, ov a pale blue color, and the smartest snaix, for suddenness, in the universe. They kan run, on a unmown meaddo, as fast as ahoss, with their heds about 2 foot high, and their whole boddy bileing with muscles. They are az harmless az a rabbit, and will run if you chase them, and then will turn and chase you, if you want them tew play “_tag_.” They are froliksom cusses, but I never did hanker for sitch kind of refreshments. They are the nicest kind ov a mark to shoot at. Draw a fine sight on their heds when they hold up abov the turf, and let them hav one barrell ov number 6 shot, and the hed will be missing, and the ballance ov the snaix will be looking after the hed in a grate hurry, turning all sorts of back summersets and double and twisted bo knots, and hirogliphick kontortions for 20 minutes, before they make up their mind that it is safe tew die. It is a dredful krewel sight tew see them ketch a frog, it iz alwus done on a run, and done quick, for the poor frog don’t stand enny more chance ov getting away than a chesnutt tree duz when lightning fires up, and goes for it. They swallo the frog whole, and stik out with a frog in them like a yung purp who haz allowed a quart ov buttermilk tew find its way into him. THE BLAK SNAIK. The blak snaix iz the only one i kno ov who kan klimb a tree without boosting, and take the yung birds out ov their nests oph from the topmost limb.