The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
"That is, in a word, the story of my life; my husband knew it as you now
know it. I am proud, my child, and I have sworn that no man should ever
make me again suffer what I suffered then. I saw you and forgot my oath,
but not my sorrow. You must treat me gently; if you are sick, I am also;
we must care for each other. You see, Octave, I too know what it is to
cherish up memories of the past. It inspires me at times with cruel
terror; I should have more courage than you, for perhaps I have suffered
more. It is my place to begin; my heart is not sure of itself, I am still
very feeble; my life in this village was so tranquil before you came! I
had promised myself that it should never change! All that, makes me
exacting. Ah! well, it does not matter, I am yours. You have told me, in
your better moments, that Providence appointed me to watch over you as a
mother. Yes, when you make me suffer, I do not look upon you as a lover,
but as a sick child, fretful and rebellious, that I must care for and
cure in order that I may always keep him and love him. May God give me
that power!" she added, looking up to heaven. "May God, who sees me, who
hears us, may the God of mothers and of lovers, permit me to accomplish
that task! When I feel as though I would sink under it, when my pride
rebels, when my heart is breaking, when all my life--"
She could not finish; her tears choked her. O God! I saw her there on her
knees, her hands clasped on the rock; she swayed in the breeze as did the
bushes about us. Frail and sublime creature; she prayed for her love. I
raised her in my arms.
"O my only friend!" I cried. "Oh! my mistress, my mother, and my sister!
Pray also for me, that I may be able to love you as you deserve. Pray
that I may have the courage to live; that my heart may be cleansed in
your tears; that it may become a holy offering before God and that we may
share it together."
All was silent about us; above our heads, spread the heavens resplendent
with stars.
"Do you remember," I said, "do you remember the first day?"
From that night, we never returned to that spot. That rock was an altar
which has retained its purity; it is one of the visions of my life which
still passes before my eyes wreathed in spotless white.
CHAPTER IV
AS I was crossing the public square one evening, I saw two men standing
together; one of them said:
"It appears to me that he has ill-treated her."
"It is her fault," replied the other; "why choose such a man? He has
known only public women; she is paying the price of her folly."
I advanced in the darkness to see who was speaking thus, and to hear more
if possible; but they passed on as soon as they spied me.
I found Brigitte much disturbed; her aunt was seriously ill; she had time
for only a few words with me. I did not see her for an entire week; I
knew that she had summoned a physician from Paris; finally, she sent for
me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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