The Confession of a Child of the CenturyMusset, Alfred de
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The Confession of a Child of the Century
Musset, Alfred de
French fiction; Historical fiction
"And I, I do not sleep," I continued pacing up and down the street, "I do
not sleep, I who have enough in my pocket at this moment to purchase
sleep for a year; I am so proud and so foolish that I dare not enter a
tavern, and I do not understand that if all unfortunates enter there, it
is in order that they may come out happy. Oh! God! the juice of a grape
crushed under the foot suffices to dissipate the deepest sorrow and to
break all the invisible threads that the fates weave about our pathway.
We weep like women, we suffer like martyrs; in our despair it seems that
the world is crumbling under our feet and we sit down in our tears as did
Adam at Eden's gate. And in order to cure our wound we have but to make a
movement of the hand and moisten our throats. How pitiable our grief
since it can be thus assuaged. We are surprised that Providence does not
send angels to grant our prayers; it need not take the trouble, for it
has seen our woes, it knows our desires, our pride and bitterness, the
ocean of evil that surrounds us, and is content to hang a small black
fruit along our paths. Since that man sleeps so soundly on his bench why
do not I sleep on mine? My rival is doubtless passing the night with my
mistress; he will leave her at daybreak; she will accompany him to the
door and they will see me asleep on my bench. Their kisses will not
awaken me, and they will shake me by the shoulder; I will turn over on
the other side and sleep on."
Thus, inspired by a fierce joy, I set out in quest of a tavern. As it was
past midnight some were closed; that put me in a fury. "What!" I cried,
"even that consolation is refused me!" I ran hither and thither knocking
at the doors of taverns crying: "Wine! Wine!"
At last I found one open; I called for a bottle and without caring
whether it was good or bad I gulped it down; a second followed and then a
third. I dosed myself as with medicine, and I forced the wine down as
though it had been prescribed by a physician to save my life.
The heavy fumes of the liquor, which was doubtless adulterated, mounted
to my head. As I had gulped it down at a breath, drunkenness seized me
promptly; I felt that I was becoming muddled, then I experienced a lucid
moment, then confusion followed. Then consciousness left me, I leaned my
elbows on the table and said adieu to myself.
But I had a confused idea that I was not alone in the tavern. At the
other end of the room stood a hideous group with haggard faces and harsh
voices. Their dress indicated that they belonged to the poorer class but
were not bourgeois; in short they belonged to that ambiguous class, the
vilest of all, which has neither fortune nor occupation, which never
works except at some criminal plot, which is neither poor nor rich and
combines the vices of one class with the misery of the other.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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