You, of course, have been under an anæsthetic. I? Not since I was a child; and the only sensation I recall was a hammer, hammer, hammer just as I went off, which I believe is nothing but the beating of one's heart... But _before_ the operation... You must not think that I am posing as a heroine; but accidents _do_ happen, and for two days and two nights, entirely by myself... It was inevitable that one should take stock... My thoughts went back to old days at Brackenbury, _spacious_ old days with my dear father when he was ambassador at Rome and Vienna (they were happy times, though the expense crippled him); old days when my brother was a funny, impetuous little boy--not _hard_, as he has since become... I am fourteen years his senior; and, from the time when our dear mother died to the time when I married Arthur, I was wife and mother and sister at the Hall. On me devolved what, in spite of the socialists, I venture to call the great tradition of English life... Lying in bed here, one could not help saying "_If_ anything goes amiss, _am_ I leaving the world better than I found it?" Under my own vine and fig-tree I had been a good wife to Arthur and a good mother to Will; and, if there had not always been _some_ one of good intentions to smoothe over difficulties with the family on _both_ sides... Blessed are the peace-makers, though I have sometimes wondered whether I did right in even tolerating my brother-in-law Spenworth. It is probably no news to you that he very much wanted to marry me, but I always felt that even Cheniston, even the house in Grosvenor Square, even his immense income would not compensate me for a husband whom I could never trust out of my sight. Arthur may be only the younger brother, I very soon found that the old spacious days were over; but with him one _does_ know where one is, and I have never grudged poor Kathleen Manorby my leavings. There indeed is a lesson for the worldly! She was in love with a poor decent young subaltern named Laughton, more suitable for her in every way; however, the lure of Cheniston and the opportunity of being Lady Spenworth! ... _He_ transferred to an Indian regiment; and, if his heart was broken, so much the worse for him. I am not superstitious; but, when I remember that bit of treachery, when I think of Spenworth, unfaithful from the beginning, when I see those four dairymaid daughters and no heir... Might not some people call that a judgement? It makes no _personal_ difference, for the ungodly will flourish throughout _our_ time; and, though my boy Will must ultimately succeed, he can look for nothing from his uncle in the meantime. I have lost the thread...