The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer — CompleteLever, Charles
General
The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer — Complete
Lever, Charles
Fiction
Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the “Burton Arms,” was of some five
and fifty—“or by’r lady,” three score years, of a rubicund and hale
complexion; and though her short neck and corpulent figure might have
set her down as “doubly hazardous,” she looked a good life for many
years to come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled a
sugar-hogshead, whose rolling, pitching motion, when trundled along on
edge, she emulated in her gait. To the ungainliness of her figure her
mode of dressing not a little contributed. She usually wore a thick
linsey-wolsey gown, with enormous pockets on either side, and, like
Nora Creina’s, it certainly inflicted no undue restrictions upon her
charms, but left
“Every beauty free,
To sink or swell as heaven pleases.”
Her feet—ye gods! Such feet—were apparelled in listing slippers, over
which the upholstery of her ancles descended, and completely relieved
the mind of the spectator as to the superincumbent weight being
disproportioned to the support; I remember well my first impression on
seeing those feet and ancles reposing upon a straw footstool, while she
took her afternoon dose, and I wondered within myself if elephants were
liable to the gout. There are few countenances in the world, that if
wishing to convey an idea of, we cannot refer to some well-known
standard; and thus nothing is more common than to hear comparisons with
“Vulcan—Venus—Nicodemus,” and the like; but in the present case, I am
totally at a loss for any thing resembling the face of the worth Mrs.
Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient and sour visage we used
to see upon old circular iron rappers formerly—they make none of them
now—the only difference being, that Mrs. Healy’s nose had no ring
through it; I am almost tempted to add, “more’s the pity.”
Such was she in “the flesh;” would that I could say, she was more
fascinating in the “spirit!” but alas, truth, from which I never may
depart in these “my confessions,” constrains me to acknowledge the
reverse. Most persons in this miserable world of ours, have some
prevailing, predominating characteristic, which usually gives the tone
and colour to all their thoughts and actions, forming what we
denominate temperament; this we see actuating them, now more, now less;
but rarely, however, is this great spring of action without its moments
of repose. Not so with her of whom I have been speaking. She had but
one passion—but, like Aaron’s rod, it had a most consuming tendency—and
that was to scold, and abuse, all whom hard fate had brought within the
unfortunate limits of her tyranny. The English language, comprehensive
as it is, afforded not epithets strong enough for her wrath, and she
sought among the more classic beauties of her native Irish, such
additional ones as served her need, and with this holy alliance of
tongues, she had been for years long, the dread and terror of the
entire village.
“The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking,”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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