The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 01Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Philosophy
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 01
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques
Authors, French -- 18th century -- Biography; Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 1712-1778
I was so absolutely in the power of both these mistresses, that when in
the presence of either, I never thought of her who was absent; in other
respects, the effects they produced on me bore no affinity. I could have
passed my whole life with Miss Vulson, without forming a wish to quit
her; but then, my satisfaction was attended with a pleasing serenity;
and, in numerous companies, I was particularly charmed with her. The
sprightly sallies of her wit, the arch glance of her eye, even jealousy
itself, strengthened my attachment, and I triumphed in the preference she
seemed to bestow on me, while addressed by more powerful rivals;
applause, encouragement, and smiles, gave animation to my happiness.
Surrounded by a throng of observers, I felt the whole force of love--I
was passionate, transported; in a tete-a-tete, I should have been
constrained, thoughtful, perhaps unhappy. If Miss Vulson was ill, I
suffered with her; would willingly have given up my own health to
establish hers (and, observe I knew the want of it from experience); if
absent, she employed my thoughts, I felt the want of her; when present,
her caresses came with warmth and rapture to my heart, though my senses
were unaffected. The familiarities she bestowed on me I could not have
supported the idea of her granting to another; I loved her with a
brother's affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.
With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
favors on any but myself. The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss Vulson
was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy sensations; but at
sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered--every sense was absorbed
in ecstasy. I believe it would have been impossible to have remained
long with her; I must have been suffocated with the violence of my
palpitations. I equally dreaded giving either of them displeasure; with
one I was more complaisant; with the other, more submissive. I would not
have offended Miss Vulson for the world; but if Miss Goton had commanded
me to throw myself into the flames, I think I should have instantly
obeyed her. Happily, both for her and myself, our amours; or rather
rendezvous, were not of long duration: and though my connection with Miss
Vulson was less dangerous, after a continuance of some greater length,
that likewise had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a love
affair is good for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and can
furnish out at least an exclamation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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