_Sir H._ There is a business, Mr. Alderman, fallen out, which you may oblige me infinitely by----I am very sorry that I am forced to be troublesome; but necessity, Mr. Alderman---- _Smug._ Ay, sir, as you say, necessity----But, upon my word, sir, I am very short of money at present; but---- _Sir H._ That's not the matter, sir; I'm above an obligation that way: but the business is, I'm reduced to an indispensable necessity of being obliged to you for a beating----Here, take this cudgel. _Smug._ A beating, Sir Harry! ha! ha! ha! I beat a knight baronet! an alderman turn cudgel-player! Ha! ha! ha! _Sir H._ Upon my word, sir, you must beat me, or I cudgel you; take your choice. _Smug._ Pshaw! pshaw! you jest. _Sir H._ Nay, 'tis sure as fate----So, Alderman, I hope you'll pardon my curiosity. [_Strikes him._ _Smug._ Curiosity! Deuce take your curiosity, sir!--What d'ye mean? _Sir H._ Nothing at all; I'm but in jest, sir. _Smug._ Oh, I can take any thing in jest! but a man might imagine, by the smartness of the stroke, that you were in downright earnest. _Sir H._ Not in the least, sir; [_Strikes him._] not in the least, indeed, sir. _Smug._ Pray, good sir, no more of your jests; for they are the bluntest jests that ever I knew. _Sir H._ [_Strikes._] I heartily beg your pardon, with all my heart, sir. _Smug._ Pardon, sir! Well, sir, that is satisfaction enough from a gentleman. But, seriously, now, if you pass any more of your jests upon me, I shall grow angry. _Sir H._ I humbly beg your permission to break one or two more. [_Strikes him._ _Smug._ Oh, lord, sir, you'll break my bones! Are you mad, sir? Murder, felony, manslaughter! [SIR HARRY _knocks him down_. _Sir H._ Sir, I beg you ten thousand pardons; but I am absolutely compelled to it, upon my honour, sir: nothing can be more averse to my inclinations, than to jest with my honest, dear, loving, obliging friend, the Alderman. [_Striking him all this while_: SMUGGLER _tumbles over and over_. _Enter_ LADY LUREWELL. _Lady L._ Oh, lord! Sir Harry's murdering the poor old man. _Smug._ Oh, dear madam, I was beaten in jest, till I am murdered in good earnest. _Lady L._ Oh! you barbarous man!--Now the devil take you, Sir Harry, for not beating him harder--Well, my dear, you shall come at night, and I'll make you amends. [_Here_ SIR HARRY _takes Snuff_. _Smug._ Madam, I will have amends before I leave the place----Sir, how durst you use me thus! _Sir H._ Sir? _Smug._ Sir, I say that I will have satisfaction. _Sir H._ With all my heart. [_Throws Snuff into his Eyes._ _Smug._ Oh, murder! blindness! fire! Oh, madam, madam, get me some water. Water! fire! fire! water! [_Exit with_ LADY LUREWELL. _Sir H._ How pleasant is resenting an injury without passion! 'Tis the beauty of revenge.